Reliable Source: Interrogating GTA 5, Teenage Violence, and Modern Warfare in Africa

A teenager accused with stabbing a man in the face 37 times with an ice pick, eating the man's spleen, and then hoisting his mangled body up the flagpole of the state library has blamed this violent act on videogames. His entire defense is that he went over to his friend's home and watched him play a strange Japanese game named Katamari Damacy, which our experts say translates into "Stab Fun Murder Rapist" in English.

Upon hearing these facts, the court released the teen and called for an immediate moratorium on all games, in the hope that all violence in the world ever would end forever. "This ruling has nothing to do with my deep mistrust of technology or my xenophobia," said the judge. "The court had a chance to set a precedent, and show the world that games are causing teens to commit extreme acts of violence."

Marion Cox would like to thank Logan Westbrook for his continued support and friendship.