Stolen Pixels

Stolen Pixels
Stolen Pixels #15: Azeroth Travelogue, Part 2

Shamus Young | 26 Aug 2008 12:40
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Day 37

I have discovered that Druids are quite proud of their ability to transform into a bear, to the point where it's difficult to get them to talk about anything else. Although I admit, once one can assume the form of an immense bear it's hard to imagine what one could do for an encore.

If you have a Druid visit you as I did, expect to be thoroughly questioned on the source of any rugs you may have near the fireplace. I hope for your sake that the rug is not ursine in origin.

Day 44

I have noticed that traveling by boat is faster than traveling by Gryphon. I cannot explain this. I did learn that Gryphon handlers are rather proud and thus did not respond well to my queries.

Ergo, I am now obliged to make my journey northward on foot.

Day 60

I have reached the undead lands. The smell is not as bad as I feared.

Day 61

My earlier optimism was unfounded. I have reached the Undercity and the smell is now many times worse than I would have thought possible.

Day 62

Despite their horrifying visage, the undead are not without a sense of humor. I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me that their humor is altogether *crude*. Under no circumstances should you bring up the subject of sex, because they are more than eager to discuss it.

Lady Sylvanas, despite her imposing and austere demeanor, was particularly and gruesomely candid in the regard. Having been invited to dinner, I discovered that once she'd taken a few glasses of wine she was prone to ribald and cringe-inducing puns. I did my best to smile as she made endless references to "boners" and "going stiff". At one point she pinched my bottom between her bony fingers. Perhaps she winked at me, or perhaps her eye was simply too loose in its socket. I pretended not to notice.

Which is worse: To scorn her, or risk a night in bed with the Queen of the Forsaken? Even now, I dare not contemplate such a choice.

Shamus Young is a programmer and writer by trade, videogame nitpicker by inclination. If you have the patience for more of his ramblings, they can be found at ShamusYoung.com.

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