Shirt Che seemed sad: "I still wish they had included the original Command & Conquer 3 content in the package. EA's uncharacteristically generous re-release is really ruining my anti-capitalist rant."
"Che, did I also mention how competent the computer -"
"Que?" he asked.
"Huh? Oh. Sorry. I mean 'La computadora.'"
"Ah, sí. Gracias."
"As I was saying: Did I mention how competent the computer-controlled opponents are? They're almost too good."
"And that's a good thing, Señor Cavalli?"
I paused. "Sort of. It's fantastic that you always have a competent opponent to play against, but the reason why it's so fantastic is somewhat depressing. See, the multiplayer in Kane's Wrath is broken."
"Broken?" he asked. "Broken, how?"
I shrugged. "It simply doesn't work most of the time. I spent two hours last night trying to connect to an online multiplayer match, and every single time I was greeted with a timeout or a 'couldn't create a match' message. I gave up at that point, but I tried again this morning."
"And?"
"Still didn't work." I shrugged again. "I must have tried to actually connect to an online game more than 50 times and not once would the game ever complete the connection. Over Xbox Live - which works like a charm for any other game I own - that kinda thing is just inexcusable."
"Sí. Agreed. Did you already cover the controller?" He asked.
"Yeah, in my bizarre monologue at the beginning."
His brow furrowed. "How is it? Mal? Muy mal?"
"No. It's not bad. It won't ever match a mouse and keyboard for speed and accuracy, but it works once you get used to it. The tutorial at the beginning explaining the whole system could use a bit more emphasis on certain nuances, but you figure things out pretty quickly," I explained.
At that moment the sun started coming up and Che, and the shirt he lived upon began to fade.
"Quickly, before I'm gone, what's the Bottom Line on C&C3: Kane's Wrath?"
"Honestly?"
"C'mon Señor Cavalli, don't jerk Che around!"
"It's far from perfect, but I think it's about the finest translation of a real-time strategy game available on a console. The story is solid and the game looks great. The overall package, while a bit rough, is utilitarian and functional. The multiplayer is a glaring disappointment, but if you can see past that the game is quite enjoyable, particularly for the discounted price," I said.
It was then that I realized I was whispering to no one. Che and the shirt he rode in on had gone. The sun was cresting over the nearby hills and somewhere in the distance I heard a rooster cry his love for morning - odd that, since I live in the middle of a major city.
Still, there was no time for worrying about the odd occurrences of that morning. I was exhausted.
I needed sleep.
Recommendation: Try it, if you're hard up for a strategy game.
