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Pick Your Path: The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awkward Teenage Years

Evan Hoovler | 26 Dec 2011 09:00
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You hate life.

Sure, you saved the world from being turned into the evil realm, but now you can't even save yourself from public school. Slouching low in your hard school desk, you stare at the fake wooden surface, praying the teacher won't call on you.

"Lincoln?" she says, even though she knows you hate your real name, "can you summarize the 1168 Treaty of Hyrule?"

No, you can't. Can she save the kingdom by taking down the legendary evil Ganon with a candle?

But nobody cares about the heroic deeds you did back when you were 6. A funny thing happens when you bring peace unto a land for seven whole years: people forget to worship war heroes. It'll still be three long years until you use the Ocarina of Time to beat Ganon and return order to Hyrule. Also, nobody remembers this incredible future, except you. You're convinced the rules of time travel simply work in whatever way hurts you the most.

"Lincoln?" The sound hurts your ears.

You stand up and walk towards the door, to the shock of the entire class. Fortunately, before the teacher can assign you detention in the school's dungeon, the recess bell rings.

During breaks, you've taken to playing your flute alone. It's not that you don't want friends, just once word gets around that you've slain the most villainous monsters, one of two things happens. Either everyone is too afraid to approach you, or people want to pick a fight. You know how pro athletes complain they can't go anywhere without someone wanting to fight them to see how tough they are? Well imagine that you've bested every demon in the country, and the only place you can go is Junior Hyrule High School.

You are in the middle of composing what you consider to be your greatest flute song: a series of three notes repeated over and over, when your heart leaps into your throat. Up walks your only companion, Aldez. For some reason, she never treated you like you were special. Just the sight of her green hair and long, pointy ears causes you to exhale deeply, causing a trill on the flute.

Before Aldez can say, "Hello," the clouds part. A giant twister, almost as high as your three-foot-high head, comes roaring down at the playground, straight towards you and Aldez.

- Pull Aldez away from the tornado

- Pull Alzez into the tornado

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