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The Professor Oak Personality Index

Andy Hughes | 3 Jan 2012 15:00
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Grass types are almost universally lazy and weak-willed, preferring to let others make decisions for them. They can articulate their beliefs and usually beat their own drum more than most but not to any significant end, their only real goal being self-sustenance. A Grass type will often select a more driven and aggressive type for a mate, as they are not especially capable on their own and frequently seek help from others. They will also eat most of the contents of any one container of food in your house and then put said container back with a critically small amount of allowable food items inside it, which may result in the termination of even long-lasting friendships.

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The Ice type shares many similarities with the Grass type. The main difference is that Ice types believe themselves superior to most others. Their confidence can make them surprisingly successful despite their isolation; however, they are often restricted in some way beyond their control, sometimes by a medical/physiological condition. Predictably, they are highly ineffective against Fire types and make for bad matches, although it's fun to watch two of them get hammered and argue at a party.

A person who is a Fighting type is very aggressive and usually named after a famous Chinese action movie star for some reason. They'll sport boxing gloves or knee pads all the time and just never shut up about how toned their abs are. There used to be only, like, six of them in existence but more and more have been turning up ever since Jersey Shore got popular.

Poison types are people who are needy, demanding and inherently bad for others but enmesh themselves in a way that they cannot easily be kicked out/divorced from. They do not respond well to reason and will probably take all your money. However, they will also support you sometimes just enough so that you don't feel entirely comfortable getting rid of them, often by uniting with you against a common enemy or cooperating as it suits them. When you finally get down to it, though, you'll realize they've been using you this whole time to protect themselves from the harsh reality of the world, and that try as you might, you're never going to save them, not really. You just need to let go, man. You've done more for them than most people ever would, and they're just not ready to change. Let's ... let's talk about something else, ok?

If you are a Ground type, than you are generally well-informed and sensible enough to withstand threats from various other types and make your way known in the world. However, a typical Ground is ineffective in any sort of real conflict, especially against Grass types, which is just kind of embarrassing. They also tend to have vision problems and squint a lot in well-lit places. Don't get the wrong idea, though; some of the most successful people in American history are Ground types, and proud of it.

Flying types are usually very capricious, always flying around all over the place. They may seem really cool when you first meet them in college but they're actually just Normal people that adopt these traits to appear more interesting. They'll often pretend they don't understand you to avoid responsibility but they'll usually give you a ride to different towns, especially if you want to check out their gyms.

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