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Pick Your Path: Assassin's Creed

Evan Hoovler | 24 Jan 2012 22:00
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With the ocean in front of you and your hands on the wheel, you realize that this is your true calling. Forget assassinations and the pure thrill of meaningless manslaughter, it's a captain's life for you. Pitching the ship towards warmer waters, you inform everyone aboard that this cruise is now stopping in Jamaica. Oddly enough, no one objects. That is to say, several people object, everyone in fact, but no one objects after you put knives through half a dozen objectors.

Arriving in Jamaica, you are more than pleased to find your rogue liner is popular with pirate ships. Jumping aboard a pirate ship, you begin clashing your blades against the pirates sharp scabbards.

As you murder the first of many pirates, you have an epiphany. This is your true calling: murdering pirates and stealing their loot. You spend the rest of your many decades trawling the warm seas of the Caribbean for any pirates unlucky enough to sail in your path. At some point in time, all of your horrified passengers decide to jump overboard and make a swim for safety. You're not really sure what happens to them, as you are too busy happily fighting pirates.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE FOUND ONE OF SIX ENDINGS. THIS IS NOT THE BEST ENDING, HOWEVER, SO FEEL FREE TO PLAY AGAIN

Evan Hoovler also writes for Cracked, Blastr, and The Smoking Jacket, and he wants to be your Facebook friend.

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