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Pick Your Path: Ninja Gaiden

Evan Hoovler | 2 May 2012 17:00
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Dashing at the giant, you do a swift array of random ninja moves: Tuck-and-roll jumps... windmill sword slashes... running. This seems to confuse him momentarily. Before he can roar and let out another bolt of lightning, you strike with amazing speed. You cut two of his arms and his head off, then stab his torso through the back for good measure. The dead monster falls into a huge pile of blood.

You begin fastidiously tossing sawdust on the blood, when a helicopter flies near. A man in sunglasses and a black suit steps onto the roof.

"The C.I.A. thanks you for your effort!" He says. You hate when he says that. He usually says that.

You step into the helicopter, dramatically hanging off the side as it flies away despite the desperate pleas of the pilot. As you sail through the Japanese landscape, you mentally recount a list of all the people and corporations who have helped you with your journey. Eventually the helicopter dips low enough to the hillside that you can jump off and ditch these government jerks. This is supposed to be your vacation.

CONGRATULATIONS! You've reached the best ending. You've won the ability to read the sentence which you are reading right now! Nice.

- Play Again

Evan Hoovler also writes for Cracked, Blastr, and The Smoking Jacket, and he wants to be your Facebook friend.

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