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Pick Your Path: Super Mario Bros: Jersey Shore

Evan Hoovler | 19 Jul 2012 17:00
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Giddily, you pile into the cab, the customs aggravation forgotten.

"Where to?" the driver inquires.

"Atlantic City!" shouts Toad, who hasn't taken a vacation from his desert shop in years, despite never getting any customers except yourself.

The cabbie peels out of his parking spot, a half hour later, you are passing through a bridge and/or tunnel to New Jersey.

Coming out of the tunnel makes you feel like that part of The Wizard of Oz when everything became colored. Everywhere you look, you see greasy men of questionable health and minimal hair movement wear clothes that expose their muscle and hide their flab. You always thought you were the only one who wore overalls to guide the eye towards the arms and away from the gut. Women wearing tacky clothes and brightly manicured nails walk by, which makes Peach giggle and smooth out her pink pleated dress. Plus, everyone here seems to be the same shade of orange as you. You can definitely see why the travel agent insisted you come here.

"Oy!" yells the cabbie, screeching on the brakes. In the road ahead, a busted water main gushes a fountain of water into the air.

- Tell the cabbie to take a detour

- Hop out and investigate

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