Fiction Issue #3

The Guilded Cage

When the fluorescent lights in the board room flickered to life, Frank was surprised to see Barry next to him. "When did you get back in here?" Frank asked.

Barry smiled and shrugged. "Oh, I've been here for about ten minutes. Did I miss anything good?"

Frank smirked. "Is that like a joke or something? I mean, even if you were here for the whole presentation, I don't think it's going to help you in your career goal of beating Peggle in a single sitting."

The presenter raised his hands. "Everyone," he said as the conversations in the room slowly trailed off, "Everyone, I'm so sorry. I forgot to go over this week's net ratios for share portions. I know we've all been here a while, but twenty more minutes won't kill anyone. Barry, could you get the lights again, please?"

Barry felt a sharp staccato vibrate down his thigh, and he bolted up from his seat. "Oh, uh, sir. I'm sorry again, but I think I might have to be excused ... um ... again." Barry looked around the room and nervously shrugged. "Yeah, see, I get diarrhea in twos. Like sneezes. Or- I mean, I don't sneeze when I have diarrhea. That would be like pumping a super soaker when you're still shooting it, right?"

Frank looked up at Barry and shook his head slowly. "Stop talking," he whispered.

"Yeah! So," Barry continued. "I'll just go ... uh ... have more diarrhea, then. Sorry. Again." Barry turned and briskly exited.

Frank chuckled uneasily. "You'll have to excuse Barry. He gets a little nervous when he talks about aaaaaAAAAHH." Frank looked down at his own vibrating cell phone clipped to his belt.

FUNKENTIME TOOK OUT NOOBS. MOUNTING RETALIATION. NEED BACKUP.

"Oh dear," Frank said as he stood. "I think I might have caught Barry's diarrhea."

The presenter put his palms on the projector. "What the hell are you talking about, Mr. Fleshum?"

"Sorry, can't stay. I'm having it right now. It's like a baby, you know? Gotta get to the hospital." Frank bolted for the exit and shoved the doors open with the palms of his hands.

"Mr. Fleshum!"

"Call my husband!" Frank shouted behind him.

The presenter pushed a button on the conference call box. "Hannah, could you have someone check the water coolers on the 2nd floor for me?" He leaned in again. "Today."