Extra Punctuation
MovieBob: Intermission
Experienced Points
First Person
Miracle of Sound: Encore
Exploding Barrels
Loading Time
No Right Explanation
Backchat
Drinking Games
Escape to the Movies
Escapecraft
Escapist Podcast
Feed Dump
GinxTV
Jimquisition
LoadingReadyRun
Mahalo
Meatbag and Co
Media Sandwich
Miracle of Sound
No Right Answer
Pro-Gamer Gauntlet
Reviews
Space Janitors
Tales from the Table
The Big Picture
The Escapist Presents
The Retro Show
Trailers
Unskippable
Zero Punctuation
Max Payne 3 Review
Company of Heroes 2
XCOM Enemy Unknown
Black Ops 2
Diablo 3 Review
TERA Review
Firefall Beta Preview
Starhawk Review
Critical Miss
Name Game
image below.
2006 - 2009
As war in the Middle East drags on beyond the length of World War II, politicized militiamen representing Guerrilla Armies Mobilizing Extremely Radical Strategies (or G.A.M.E.R.S) enflame tensions by sending a letter to the Russian President purporting to be from the U.S. Secretary of State. In it, the claim is made that Eastern Europe is still responsible for the mass-production of games and gaming products, specifically "a bunch of crappy first-person shooters" and "vodka-themed rhythm games." Outraged, Russia respond by releasing shaky-cam footage of U.S. troops participating in an ad-hoc Super Smash Bros. Melee tournament. East and West teeter on the brink of war. Meanwhile, several fringe lunatics begin to assert that the initial clampdown on gaming was nothing more than a sinister government plot. They question whether a gamer was truly responsible for the destruction in New York and issue a statement: "If Looking Glass Studios was so great, then how come they didn't sell enough games to survive, huh? Makes you think doesn't it? We're just asking questions, man." Alarming numbers of people listen to them.
2010 - 2012
Internal and external pressures on a crumbling economy lead to total collapse, as several banks are forced to admit they have been keeping deficits from a lack of gaming sales off their books for at least 10 years. The world population is asked to pick up the tab. It politely declines, and several countries fall into revolt, led by angry strategy gamers who find themselves naturally predisposed to this sort of thing. Soon, a cabal of DEFCON addicts find themselves at the controls of nuclear arsenals across the globe. The inevitable occurs.
2012
All human life is extinguished by thermonuclear war. History as we know it is no longer recorded, and an awful lot of games remain uncompleted. Looks like the Mayans were right after all.
***
And thus our glimpse into the gaseous abyss of a world without Hypertext transfer protocol draws to a close. Let this serve as a grim warning, readers. Give praise to all aspects of the internet, lest their disappearance bring ruin upon us all. Except for YouTube comments, of course - I think we'd all just prefer death to reading more of those.
Peter Parrish is a writer and part-time soothsayer.
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