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Day Twelve: 197.9 lbs

Today, I ask my girlfriend's younger sister, the kind provider of the Balance Board I've been using for this experiment, to demonstrate some of the Wii Fit games I've yet to unlock. She proudly and excitedly illustrates how, by placing a particularly heavy book on the board, you can "cheat" the game into thinking that you're standing as perfectly still as a couple of volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica.

This got me thinking about the problem with virtual trainers in general: There's no shame. Whenever I turned up at the gym having missed a couple of sessions, or whenever I failed to reach my goals, my personal trainer, the terrifyingly well-built "Cliff," would look at me with a well-honed gaze of thinly veiled disgust. And it worked - which is why companies like Weight Watchers have built whole business models around the hot and needling sting of public embarrassment.

But whenever my new digital trainers tell me, with unwavering digital accuracy, that today's food intake is "a bit above your daily recommended amount!," I can just switch the prying bastards off. They don't even remember it the next time.

Day Fourteen: 197.8 lbs

Here I am, two weeks and (almost) two pounds later, with a BMI still a notch above normal. Both Wii Fit and My Health Coach assure me that this is "healthy, sustainable weight loss," but those words sound hollow coming from a man who is not only stick thin, but two-dimensional as well. "Healthy" weight loss is, to be fair, the aim of these games, so I'm hesitant to judge them based solely on my 14-day experiment.

So what have I learned? I've developed a serious appreciation for the polish and charm that Nintendo and Ubisoft poured into Wii Fit and My Health Coach, qualities which elevated them well above the other games I tried out, and qualities which are pretty much essential in ensuring these titles provide something more than an exercise routine and a calendar. For those people with the willpower and discipline to stick to the demands of a trainer who doesn't actually exist, that dash of videogame magic probably makes these two more than valid complements to an existing workout regimen.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I don't have an existing health regime - I have an existing Ben and Jerry's routine. I like my exercise to occur in intense, strenuous, badly warmed-up bursts, with little to no integration into my day-to-day life. In short, I like going to the gym.

Well, sometimes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make a sandwich and play Modern Warfare 2.

Craig Owens is a freelance writer based just outside London, England. He can be contacted at craig.owens88@gmail.com.