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2. Make sure everyone knows what just happened
It's silly to think the other players at your table are actually watching the action so it's your sacred duty to make sure they know they just missed a once in an eon occurrence. A common way of accomplishing this is to type something like "amazing luck!!!!!" or "what an incredible suckout!!!!!" into the chat box. The use of multiple exclamation marks is highly recommended, but not mandatory.

3. Learn and inform by asking
Using the same example hands, the obvious question to ask is something like, "You called me with A5?" - in case you were only 99.99% sure. The advanced usage of this concept is to inform the other players what happened (see #2 above). The recommended style is a single question mark, so this is especially good to know when your fingers are cramping up from repeatedly typing multiple exclamations.

4. Share your wealth of knowledge at the table
You know the opponent's A5 will lose to your 88 almost 100 percent of the time. However, since that's an advanced odds concept they may not grasp, don't go into details. Settle for something like, "You have to be careful with A5 in case you run into a medium pocket pair." This is actually a form of reverse psychology. Given that your 88 is virtually guaranteed to win, you definitely want them to bet with A5. But who's going to take advice from someone who's playing in a freeroll? It's far more likely they'll do the exact opposite.

5. Bet "all in" as often as possible
On TV, you see the pros bet all their chips quite often. Sure, they're late in tournaments, playing with high mandatory bets at tables where only a few opponents remain, whereas you'll usually be playing at full tables of nine or 10. But so what? If once every 10 hands or so is good enough for them, more often must be even better. You may not always have strong hands like 88, or even A5 though, particularly if you go all in every hand, so you'll have to ...

6. Bluff big
Naturally, all in is especially good. Wimpy bluffs are for ... well, wimps. If the opponents fold in terror and you win with your 72 or 53, great. It's especially satisfying when you bet 1,000 or 1,500 chips to win a pot that holds 15 or 25. For even more self-gratification, pat yourself on the back and gain the instant respect of the entire table by showing your two little cards. And, on those rare occasions when someone happens to hit the "Call" button by mistake and you lose, you can ...

7. Get emotional
This is a natural reaction. After all, you're playing in a freeroll that cost you nothing to enter, and you've invested precious time that you could have spent ... um, reading The Escapist. Also, if you stay emotional long enough, there's a cool bonus. The next time you bluff big, which may have to wait until your next tournament if you busted out, you can really hammer your mouse button. The other players won't know, but you'll get a little rush of self-satisfaction. And if someone happens to hit the "Call" button by mistake and you lose again, you'll be primed for a bigger rush next time. And the time after. And the time after ...
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Issue 33: Groovy Games