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OMG Girlz Don't Exist on teh Intarweb!!!!1

I also meet people at E3 and various other conferences. I go to these conferences and I enjoy myself, but I've noticed that very few people actually talk to me. It's almost as if there's a giant bubble around me or I'm completely invisible. Wherever I go, the crowd splits or I'm not seen at all, and someone comes running into me, knocking me over.

I'll try and wave at someone and get no recognition. I'll walk up to someone and say, "Hey, what's the PvP like in this game?" The presenter will look at me in shock for a minute, whisper to a friend and then attempt to explain to me what PVP is. I know what PVP is; otherwise I wouldn't have asked the question.

I live in a bubble where the internet does not exist and am invisible in places pertaining to the web. I do not know what PvP is and I've never touched a first person shooter before. Why must I be treated like I am ignorant to gaming and the internet? The answer is simply that girls do not exist on the internet.

The Summary

My adventures on the internet have led me to learn many things about myself. I'm not a girl and I do not exist on the internet. I do not play games and do not know how to turn on my computer. I did not build my own PC, nor did I buy a video game. I do not own a headset and do not play first person shooters and MMOGs. My life on the internet is an intricate, well planned lie.

When I look at myself, I see a girl on the internet and a girl with an internet life. I see a girl who loves to play games and kill the dirty Alliance faction in WoW. I see a girl who can bunny hop with the best of them and keep her kills higher than her deaths in Counter Strike. I can talk the talk and walk the walk. But I am not a girl on the internet, because as I've been told before, I do not exist.

Well, this is me telling you, I do exist. Owned.

Whitney Butts is the "woman behind the curtain" at The Escapist. Her existence revolves around the fact that Mathematics is the key to the universe, and that she alone is the square root of all evil.