Guy Cry Cinema
Why Stephen King Adaptation The Mist Makes Guys Cry

Firefilm | 19 Aug 2014 19:00
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Through all the chaos, Thomas continues to tell his son nothing's going to happen to him, Punisher's honor. Even when their neighbors are being murdered at the cellular level by barely-seen monsters. Sure, dad. Everything's fine, now go make a run to the next door pharmacy for more supplies, only to be attacked by acid-web-slinging xenomorph spiders. The hell, man? Thus, Leader-Thomas is forced into another corner, lying to the innocent people following him to spare their fears.

Just to add to the responsibilities piling up, a local crank of an old lady has taken this opportunity to reenact the Book of Revelation in the frozen food aisle. I'm not saying that praying during a crisis makes you crazy, but this lady is so over the top she may as well be yelling that Jesus killed the dinosaurs who bought Xbox Ones instead of PS4s. One pterodactyl-bug doesn't kill her and suddenly half the sheeple follow her like she can turn water into iPods. When a soldier admits his base probably caused the mist, she convinces everyone to stab him a butt-load of times and throw him outside to be devoured.

(Side note -- Hey look! He's the vampire from the American Almost Human! AND Starkiller from The Force Unleashed! Nice guy.)

And who would be her next choice of human sacrifice? The boy, of course. Because this movie wants Thomas Jane to choose between being a father and being the chiseled Survivor-Leader he has become (starting to ring any bells, Walking Dead fans?).

He proposes an escape plan, but religo-nut refuses because vaccines cause autism or some such nonsense. But before she can appease Cthulhu by killing Thomas' child, assistant store manager Dr. Zola steps up to the plate and puts a bullet through the religious extremist's head. Nice one!

Able to escape, Thomas discovers that damage to the house he was supposed to fix allowed the nightmare spiders to gank Mrs. Punisher. Chores, man, gotta do 'em. As I've said in past articles, guys are motivated by the need to protect their family. Thomas barely got his kid out of the store alive, and the kid's sanity is hanging by a thread. Now he knows that he failed to save his wife...that's pretty soul-crushing for anyone.

But we're not done yet.

The group drives through the horror until they run out of gas, with no end to the terror in sight. Five people strong but only four bullets accounted for, Thomas needs to protect his group the only way he can. He has fully embraced the pragmatic horror-film hero persona, and abandoned parental protection duties. Luckily his son is sleeping and will never know what his dad had to do...DAMMIT KID WHY DID YOU WAKE UP JUST NOW AND STARE AT HIM IN HORROR?

He did what needed to be done, no matter how much it hurt. Thomas walks outside, the only survivor, and begs for the creatures to kill him. He doesn't want to live, neigh, he CAN'T live with what he's just done. He couldn't protect his wife, he couldn't protect his son, and he's even lost the group of strangers that became his responsibility. He's failed, utterly. And then...out of the mist...

...the military comes with tanks and flame throwers. He had been driving away from help the whole time, and just killed his 8-year-old-son for NONE OF THE REASONS! Frank Darabont, reminding us that he is the man who twists the knife, has the random lady who ran out of the store at the beginning appear, with her kids intact. Take that, Jane! You just lost/murdered your family to become the hero, failed at that too, and all you had to do is leave the store the moment you heard a siren!

That is why guys cry at this movie. *Drops mic*

Like what you see? Secure enough in your masculinity for more? Dan also works on No Right Answer, the weekly debate show that knows what's really important: Pointlessly arguing about geek culture.

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