Part of me would like to say that The Internship, the new Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson vehicle opening wide in the U.S. today, is the worst excuse for an alleged comedy I can remember seeing in a movie theater. However, try as I might, I cannot forget that I saw Wild Hogs and I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell in movie theaters, so The Internship will have to settle for being the worst comedy not involving Tucker Max or Martin Lawrence that I can remember.
If you've managed to miss the ubiquitous trailers, the film's premise is as follows: The onetime Wedding Crashers (the film doesn't even try to pretend that these are not the exact same characters with new names) are a pair of fast-talking designer wristwatch salesmen who have been rendered obsolete by technology ("Nobody has a watch, they just look at their phones LOL!") and find themselves middle-aged and directionless. With options dwindling, Vaughn's character hits on an inspiration. He'll register both of them in the Google Inc. Internship program, an intense summer immersion test that might result in jobs with the prestigious tech giant... if they can overcome their "hilarious" older-man computer-illiteracy, that is.
The intern program is structured like a reality TV show, wherein the various "Noogles" are broken up into teams. Since nobody wants to be brought down by the "old guys," they wind up with a team of fellow rejects who none the less manage to embody every stereotype Hollywood screenwriters assume their audience still associates with the tech sector. There's the Wallflower Emo Kid, Shy-But-Secretly-Nymphomaniacal Geek Girl, Self-Punishing Asian Man With Mommy Issues and the Super Awkward King Dweeb. Will they put aside their differences, work together and implausibly become Google's top recruits?!
Wait... what's that? You're wondering where the jokes are? The humor, maybe? You don't find the idea of two classically-likable old-school business bros getting dropped into the weird, wild and waaaaaaacky world of a modern technology company automatically funny? You're not already doubled-over thinking about them making references to 80s and 90s pop-culture to the bewilderment of their college-aged fellow interns? You're not excited to see how they'll overcome their limitations and prove that they're still useful after all? You're not curious to see which funnier comic actors will get drafted for wacky supporting roles (Rob Riggle, Will Ferrell and Aasif Maandvi, for the record)?
Well, then you already see my problem.