Godzilla Is Also Made of Dead People

In the late-90s/early-2000s, Japanese filmmaker Shuseke Kaneko made a big splash re-imagining onetime kiddie-monster staple Gamera - a giant rocket-propelled turtle - in a trilogy of big-budget epics that imbued traditional Kaiju action with New Age spiritual philosophy. When he was given the keys to the Godzilla franchise for a one-off blockbuster, he brought that same idiom with him.

In GMK: All Monsters Attack!, Godzilla is all-out evil while Ghidorah, Mothra and Baragon are recast as ancient spirits defending Japan. Big G himself gets a new backstory, too: He's imbued with the avenging souls of WWII's Pacific casualties. Godzilla fans are deeply divided when it comes to this movie, and unsurprisingly Kaneko's alternate origin has never been revisited.

Supergirl (Probably) F**ked Her Pet Horse

Short version: Pre-Crisis (read: pre-1985) Supergirl had Comet the Super-Horse as a pet. Why does a character who can fly need a horse (even one that can also fly)? The same reason Batman needs a special clubhouse full of his best stuff even though he lives alone. Because that's what a ten year-old prospective Supergirl reader would want.

Here's where it gets weird: Comet wasn't really a horse - he was a Centaur from ancient Greece who got turned "full horse" when a potion to make him "full human" backfired; though he got immortality and flight powers as a bonus. Being that he's (psychologically, anyway) as much man as he is horse, Comet is also madly in love with Supergirl - i.e. the leggy blonde ingénue who rides around on his back. In a skirt. Yeah, sucks to be Comet.

Through a series of complications, Comet became able to briefly assume human form when a comet passed through Earth's orbit. On this occasion, he assumes the identity of a rodeo cowboy and put the moves on Supergirl. No, she has no idea.

Now, obviously, this is Gold/Silver Age DC, so nobody appears to be officially having sex, but the pair was all over eachother and you definitely got the idea. I mean, c'mon - What do you think is on his mind, taking her for a malt? Luckily for all involved, Rule 34 had yet to be written.

And there you have it, ten things that you'll probably never see at the movies ... which is a good thing, for most of them. Do I have more of these? Of course I do! But that's a column for another day.

Bob Chipman is a film critic and independent filmmaker. If you've heard of him before, you have officially been spending way too much time on the internet.

Comments on