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DISCLAIMER: Things get sketchy after this, as Fall schedules have yet to be even close to set, but here's what we think you can look forward to:

SEPTEMBER:

It's a big month for breakout supporting-stars getting their solo shots: Twilight's Taylor Lautner toplines Abducted (think Bourne for teens, about a guy who learns his "adoptive" parents actually stole him) while Zoe "Neytiri" Saldana is lady assassin with a long held grudge in Colombiana.

Guaranteed to be controversial will be Straw Dogs, a remake of the notorious (and awesome) Sam Peckinpah classic about an intellectual professor and his wife under siege by a lynch mob of brutes in rural England. The new one purportedly moves the action to the American South, with James Marsden as a "liberal" Hollywood screenwriter stalked by vengeful rednecks. Yeah, that's not trying to push any buttons.

OCTOBER:

Were you aching for yet another version of The Three Musketeers? Me either, but we're getting one anyway, courtesy Paul W.S. Anderson. On the plus side, he's gathered a hell of a cast of reliable character actors: Ray Stevenson, Orlando Bloom, Christophe Waltz, Til "Hugo Stiglitz" Schwieger and, of course, Milla Jovovich (Anderson's wife.)

We're also supposed to finally see Johnny Depp's sort-of spiritual-sequel to Fear & Loathing, Rum Diary, Hugh Jackman's family movie about robot boxing Real Steel, a same-title prequel to John Carpenter's The Thing, a third Paranormal Activity, and the director of Hustle & Flow remakes Footloose. There are no words.

NOVEMBER:

Let's call this "weird-ass-sequel month," as The Twilight Saga goes from regular-bad to Chris-Claremont-After-Massive-Head-Trauma-Bad in Breaking Dawn: Part 1, plus a follow-up to the ultra-bizarre Penguin-battles-religious-intolerance-and-"alien"-abduction-with-tap-dancing epic Happy Feet 2.

But all that looks very small next to the real event of November: Jason Segel brings Jim Henson's Muppets back to theaters - and back to Muppet Show continuity -- in The Muppets. Hell yeah, Muppets.

DECEMBER:

Good news: Brad Bird, director of modern animation classics like Iron Giant and The Incredibles, makes his blockbuster live-action debut! Bad news: The live-action blockbuster in question is Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Ugh. Supposedly, this one will see Tom Cruise becoming the "older mentor" in favor of a new, younger lead hero, which couldn't have been good for his ego. Or his Thetan-Levels...

Also: Steven Spielberg returns to family epics with War Horse, about a conscripted horse trying to escape back to its owner during World War I. Better start practicing not-crying-in-theaters. And we'll find out what it was about Rooney Mara that helped her beat out every young actress in Hollywood for the hotly-contested role of (the new) Lisbeth Salander - otherwise known as The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - for director David Fincher.

Happy New Year!

Bob Chipman is a film critic and independent filmmaker. If you've heard of him before, you have officially been spending way too much time on the internet.

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