MovieBob - Intermission
Transformers Fanboy-Free Breakdown

Bob "MovieBob" Chipman | 1 Jul 2011 16:00
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The Transformers, on average, are several stories high, made of solid steel, capable of assuming multiple mechanical forms and - despite that whole stillborn hatchling thing from Part 2 - have no trouble conjuring up more of themselves. Megatron's body is crawling with little repair drones, and he and Starscream are raising a littler of Decepti-Tots in Africa for some reason. What exactly are any number of squishy, flesh-and-bone slaves 1/10th their size going to do in the fixing of a planet built around such creatures? This is like me attempting to build a skyscraper with a legion of hamsters - it's not gonna happen.

Do We Know the Transformers Are Here or Not?

The Transformers are a secret in the first film - "robots in disguise" and all that - but by the end it's hard to imagine they've stayed that way. The big battle has torn a large American city to shreds, (presumably) killed hundreds and was witnessed by thousands. No way in hell could that be covered up, especially since the only part of Men in Black the series' "Sector 7" concept didn't rip off was the mind-erasing Neuralizers.

Yet in Part 2, not only has the whole thing been somehow covered up, it's still being covered up! That's pretty hard to swallow,especially since the scale of things has gotten significantly bigger. The Autobots are now part of a covert (in the universe of these films, "covert" means "right out in the open") military squad that goes around blowing up Decepticons in the most showy, difficult-to-cover-up fashion possible.

By Part 3, the cover up seems to be over, though the world doesn't seem to have changed much in reaction to the knowledge that aliens are living among us disguised as cars. Also, much of the plot hinges on Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) feeling insecure because no one knows how much he helped save the world twice, but given that in Revenge of The Fallen, Megatron puts a bounty on Sam's head and broadcasts it to every human being on the planet, it's somewhat unclear why no one knows that.

Oh, and speaking of which ...

Why Are the Robots Still "In Disguise"?

Alright, to recap: As Dark of The Moon opens, the Transformers are so widely known that no one so much as bats an eye around them anymore - save for one hypothetically nifty sequence where Optimus Prime and Buzz Aldrin (the actual Buzz freakin' Aldrin!) exchange solemn platitudes of respect, one larger-than-life childhood role model to another (dear god, to think of this scene in a better movie).

So why do they still spend most of the film dressed up as cars? And why is it always the same cars? If you'll permit me one "check the source" digression - the original point of the disguise gimmick was that they had to take the form of vehicles they roughly resembled in size and shape. The films do away with this concept (now any Transformer can be pretty much any vehicle) and by Part 3 have done away with their own prohibition on fudging the question of mass, as Laserbeak is seen taking the form of computers and wall decorations less than half his size.

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