2. Commandment #1 Includes Texting

The premise behind texting (other than allowing Generation Facebook to speak to each other in the same language-decimating shorthand on two different streams of communication) is that it's a way to have a phone conversation in (relative) privacy while in a public space. Texting on a subway, bus, etc. is largely unobtrusive to others, given how small and (relatively) quiet the devices tend to be, particularly in daylight.

Movie theaters, however, are designed to be as dark as possible, which means the beams of digital light emanating from that tiny device are, in fact, a distraction to those around you. Here's a rule of thumb: If you can use it as a flashlight, it's probably not something only you can see.

3. When Possible, Choose Your Seat With Consideration for Others

There are many reasons to get up and leave the theater during a movie. The vast majority of them (weak bladder, nausea, nicotine-addiction-requiring-a-dash-outside-for-a-smoke) are things you probably already know are likely to happen before you go to the movie in the first place. As such, be considerate. If you're reasonably certain you won't be sitting the entire time, try to take an aisle seat so you won't be climbing over everyone else on your way out.

4. When Able, React Appropriately

This can be a tricky one.

Generally, the proper way to act in a movie or any "presentation environment" is to be quiet - or, at least, to not draw attention away from the screen to yourself. But, as everyone knows, group viewing occasionally inspires an audible reaction from said viewers: applause, screams, cheers, laughter, etc. As such reactions are, ideally, spontaneous, knowing when one is appropriate can be a social minefield for the best of us.

In most cases, the movie itself is probably looking to help you out. Why do scenes of physical comedy often continue after the initial pie-in-the-face with further stumbling and bumbling? Because they expect the audience to still be laughing. Why is there a beat after the action hero delivers his clever one-liner? To give you a second to snicker at it. When the monster jumps out of nowhere and the lead actress screams at the camera before turning and fleeing, the movie is telling you, "You can scream now, too - you won't miss anything until she's done."

On that same note ...

5. Reacting Inappropriately On Purpose Is Not Funny

This one goes out to "Generation Y."

Kids? Uncle Bob here. Look, I get why you do this, and I accept that it's largely my generation's fault. We took so much pleasure in using the ramped-up information speed that came with the Internet Age to subject every single entertainment formula and trope we'd grown up with to merciless nitpicking and snark, and as a result you've grown up with the idea that the only acceptable reaction to any sincere display of emotion or hint of manipulation in a movie is above-it-all condescending laughter - in spite of you having lived neither long nor hard enough to be jaded about anything.

For example, the execrable Scream movies have taught you that the right way to react to a telegraphed scare or bloodshed is to laugh - which, in and of itself, isn't necessarily wrong, as long as it's honest. Instead, at every horror movie I go to, there's always one or two brats in the audience forcing themselves to fake-laugh at the scary parts. Stop doing that. It's obnoxious. See also: Doing your hilarious impression of porno movie music ("bom-chicka-wah-waaaaah!") at the beginning of a sex scene. Oh, and young men? The volume at which you "Daaaayyyyuuuumm!" the actresses onscreen is not convincing anyone of your heterosexuality one way or the other, so cool it.

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