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It's no secret that I'm not at all on board the hype train for The Amazing Spider-Man - the franchise reboot Sony has launched to stave off losing the movie rights to the titular wallcrawler to Marvel Studios. I may or may not be predisposed to look askance at it, given how pointless and cynical I find the notion of a reboot a mere five years after the third one, but I have to posit that I'd look on it more favorably if it didn't keep looking so awful.

First there was the teaser, which you'll recall I wasn't nuts about. Now there's a full-blown theatrical trailer, which looks a lot better visually, but is still packed with nagging red flags.

I've had some thoughts on it already elsewhere; but as we've done in such cases before let us go through this beat-by-beat:

0:07 - It is, apparently, a rule that all action movie trailers must now open with a bird's-eye-view of New York accompanied by a blare from the Inception-brand Industrial Trumpet. BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHMM!

0:08 - 0:10 - Interesting that it cuts right to Spider-Man as though we're supposed to have been expecting him. Nice change of pace from the usual "generic-explosions-oh-no-wait-it's-a-superhero" routine of these trailers, but does little to dispel the sense that it's still too soon to be remaking this movie.

0:11 - 0:16 - Andrew Garfield is Peter Parker. Emma Stone is Gwen Stacy. MovieBob is wondering why Peter Parker, who has lived in New York his entire life, chooses to dress like every hipster who just moved to Greenwich.

0:18 - 0:20 - Family dinner with Gwen Stacy's family. That's Denis Leary as Gwen's father, and NYPD Captain. In the comics ("ITC" from here on out), he was a wizened older gentleman and a single father. Here he seems to have been reconfigured into an expy of Gary Oldman's Jim Gordon (I get the sense that'll be a running theme), and Mrs. Stacy appears to still be alive. I like the potential dynamic of the Stacys as the "normal family" Peter didn't really have, though.

0:20 - 0:24 - Most prominent change from the original films so far: Peter is building his own mechanical webshooters, instead of just having them as part of his powerset. This is a good idea, though I'm wondering what the point of the accompanying red laser-blast effect is.

0:26 - This version of Spidey has clearly attended the same Pointlessly Elaborate Graffiti For Superheroes learning-annex course as Ben Affleck's Daredevil. Also, for various reasons, the presence of a hoodie anywhere near Spider-Man is a red flag for me.

0:28 - 0:32 - More evidence that Captain Stacy has been entirely revised for this telling of the story - ITC, he was one of the few authority figures on Spider-Man's side. That's not the case here, and also seems to explain why J. Jonah Jameson apparently isn't in this version: They've already got their "Spider-Man is a menace!" foil.

0:33 - Hard-cut from Gwen Stacy to a bridge. Cute.

0:34 - 0:40 - One of the curious things about the Sam Raimi movies was that, while Raimi loves to employ the wisecrack-spouting hero trope, he actually dialed back on it for Spidey - the character that practically invented the routine. Here it is in the reboot, and it doesn't work.

The problem, as ever, seems to be that Spidey lacks facial features. In comics and animation you can cheat that a little bit, in order to convey subtle cues as to how the spider-witticisms are supposed to be taken. But here, in live action, it's just flippant snark accompanied by frantic head-bobbing pantomime, like Dane Cook playing a Power Ranger.

0:41 - 0:42 - Ah, so that's what the mini firebursts from the webshooters are for - so they'll make little gunfire noises when he uses them.

0:43 - I hate the redesigned costume (too busy, too much blue, etc.) but I can live with it. The darkened eyes need to go, though. Maybe it's just because most of this seems to take place at night (because if you're going to turn Spidey into Batman, you might as well go all the way) but they make him look like a villainous clone or something. That he's doing the Michael Meyers masked-killer-head-tilt thing isn't helping.

0:45 - 0:48 - Black-and-white = flashbacks, at least in this trailer. That's Young Peter saying buh-bye to his biological parents, Richard and Mary. The teaser trailer had a lot more with them, but their presence worries the crap out of me.

ITC, it was decided at some point that The Parkers had actually been secret agents tied in to all manner of superhero/villain skullduggery that later involved Peter. It was as dumb as it sounds, easily one of the dopiest retcons for a character who's seen plenty, and pretty much any story where it's come up since has been a stinker.

0:51 - I assume this is Flash Thompson.

0:52 - Title Card: "HIS PAST WAS KEPT FROM HIM." Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Please don't do this.

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