Game of Thrones
Recap: Episode One

Susan Arendt | 18 Apr 2011 21:00
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Down in the crypts beneath the castle, we learn that King Robert was supposed to marry Ned's sister, who died before that could happen. Fat Bob suggests, therefore, that it would make sense for Joffrey to marry Sansa. Ned's about as thrilled with that idea as he is with becoming Hand.

Meanwhile, over in the sun-soaked land of PENTOS, we meet another brother and sister: VISERYS and DAENERYS TARGARYEN. In the books, they have silvery-white hair and purple eyes. In practice, the purple contacts were so problematic that they ended up getting scrapped, so both characters just look like a couple of washed out blondes. Lackluster hair aside, we learn pretty quickly that Daenerys is spineless and Viserys is a bastard. Not in the Jon Snow wrong side of the sheets way, but rather in a stripping off his sister's dress and appraising her like a prize horse kind of way. Seems Viserys is trading his sister in an arranged marriage to KHAL DROGO, the leader of the horse warriors DOTHRAKI in exchange for their help reclaiming the throne. Daenerys isn't exactly down with this plan, but Viserys tells her he'd let all 40,000 of Drogos men - and their horses - fuck her if that's what it took to get what he wanted. This is how you know that Viserys is a Very Bad Man.

Back at Winterfell, the Starks are throwing a big ol' bash in Fat King Bob's honor. UNCLE BENJI of the Night Watch - Ned's brother Benjen - shows up. Jon Snow, who isn't at the feast because Catelyn thought the presence of the royal bastard might be seen as insulting to the King, begs to be allowed to join the Night Watch, but Benji cautions against it. Jon gets pretty bitter about it. Later that night, after the revelries, Ned and Cat are in bed discussing that being Hand would pretty much suck, and that Fat Bob is pretty fat. A servant arrives with a message from Cat's sister, who also happens to be the ex-Mrs. King's Hand. She claims that the Lannisters poisoned her husband and are conspiring to kill the King. So, naturally, Ned decides to accept the job as Hand.

Back to Pentos, where Daenerys' wedding is in full swing. There are plenty of half naked women and heavy drum beats to remind you that the Dothraki Are Barbarians. They also are the only folks in the entire show so far who seem to be having any fun, so make of that what you will. Khal Drogo looks on, amused when two Dothraki get into a fight about who gets to hump one of the bridesmaids. (Happens at every wedding, doesn't it?) SIR JORAH MORMONT arrives to present Daenerys with a wedding gift of books, and tells her that he had served her father. Daenerys receives three dragon eggs as another gift; they've long since turned to stone but are "still beautiful," explains her host. Ok, party's done, time to go consummate this marriage! Khal Drogo takes his Khaleesi to some lovely...rocks (seriously, dude, you couldn't even put some leaves down, or something?) and gets his groove on while she cries. Before you think too ill of him, he did give her a very pretty horse first.

Bran is back to climbing the walls at Winterfell while the grownups get ready to go out and hunt them some boar. As he approaches the top, Bran hears some sexytime happening, but when he looks in he discovers it's Jaime and Cersei getting all Flowers in the Attic. Cersei freaks out. Now, let's review. Bran is 10. Cersei is queen. In the world of He Said/She Said, I'm pretty sure Queen trumps 10 year old kid, but Jaime decides that safe is better than sorry and shoves young Bran out the very high window. Aaaaaaand roll credits! We're wrapped for the week.

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