Game of Thrones
Recap - Episode 4: "Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things"

Susan Arendt | 9 May 2011 23:25
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Doing chores at The Wall, Jon and Sam bond over the fact they're both virgins. Jon was once alone in a room with a naked girl, a whore named Roz (wow, she gets around), but he couldn't do the deed because he's a bastard. He's never met his mother; he doesn't know if she's living or dead, a noblewoman or a whore. All he could think was, what if he gets this prostitute pregnant, and she has the kid? Another bastard named Snow. Not a good life for a child. Thorne interrupts their conversation to try to impress upon them that Winter really sucks and they're such sissyboys that they're both going to die. But, hey, at least they can eat Sam once he's dead. I bet Thorne doesn't get invited to a lot of parties, you know?

Daenerys tells Ser Jorah that she hit Viserys. She doesn't want him on the throne, but she knows the common people are praying for his return. (Gee, wonder where she got that idea?) Ser Jorah assures her that the common people couldn't really care less - they just want food, a roof, and dry clothes. Daenerys realizes that Viserys will never reclaim the throne because he couldn't lead an army even if he had one.

At the tournament, Joffrey glares at Sansa, who we learned from an earlier brief scene is so angry at her dad that she never wants to speak to him again. (Find me a single girl who didn't say that at least once as she was growing up. I think I said it pretty much weekly until I turned 16.) Arya asks Petyr why they call him Littlefinger. When he was young he was very small, and he comes from a little strip of land called the Fingers, so there you have it. Not really as much fun of a nickname now that you know the truth, is it?

The tournament begins and SER GREGOR CLEGANE (aka THE MOUNTAIN, also aka The Hound's older brother) rolls up, ready to throw down against his opponent, Ser Hugh, aka Jon Arryn's ex-squire. They joust and Ser Hugh ends up with a whopping great chunk of wood sticking out of his windpipe. As Ser Hugh bleeds out a few feet away, Petyr leands over to tell Sansa about when The Hound was just a pup, six years old maybe, and Gregor was a few years older. One evening, Gregor found his little brother playing by the fire with Gregor's toy, a wooden knight. Gregor grabbed his brother by the scruff of his neck and shoved his face into the burning coals, which seems a bit excessive, I think you'll agree. Sansa says she won't tell anyone and Petyr says good idea; if The Hound heard you speak of it, all the knights in king's landing couldn't protect you. So why tell her in the first place?

Cersei comes to visit Ned, who's blowing off the tourney, and they exchange "I know you know" kind of banter. She asks why he's in King's Landing, he replies that he's there because the King asked him to serve. She tells him he won't do any good - Fat King Bob will be just as useless whether Ned is there or not - then realizes Ned's just following orders. He's just a soldier, but it's hard to tell whether she pities him or understands him. There's no question that he understands her, though, as he makes a point of mentioning that soldier or not, he was trained to kill his enemies. Ohhhhh, snap.

Cat is taking a moment to relax at an inn on her way back to Winterfell, but is trying to keep her identity on the downlow. Wouldn't you know it, in busts Tyrion, making sure to greet her as loudly and grandly as he can. Catelyn then decides to do her own bit of calling people by name, identifying various people in the inn and mentioning their alliance to her parents. Once she's made her position quite clear, she declares to the room that Tyrion conspired to murder her son, and beseeches them in the name of King Robert and the lords they serve, to sieze Tyrion and take him to Winterfell to await the king's justice. They are all happy to oblige and suddenly Tyrion appears to be feeling slightly less clever than he did a few moments ago.

Shit's about to get real, people!

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