Game of Thrones
Episode 6: "A Golden Crown"

Susan Arendt | 23 May 2011 21:00
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This week was full of good ideas that rapidly turned into bad ideas. Let's start off with TYRION, who's still stuck in one of THE EYRIE's sky cells. The view is certainly picturesque, but doesn't quite make up for the precipitous drop, so Tyrion bribes a guard to tell Lysa that he's ready to confess his crimes. Tyrion takes advantage of his audience with the Lady to confess everything from admiring a young lady's tits to "making the bald man cry into the turtle soup," but when it comes to killing JON ARRYN or trying to kill BRAN, he's afraid he's clueless. Rather than be tossed back into a cell (or out through the Moon Door, a whopping great hole in the throne room floor), Tyrion demands his right to trial by combat - then selects his brother JAIME as his champion. Brilliant idea! Except Lysa decides that the trial will take place immediately, and as Jaime doesn't seem to be available, it looks like Tyrion will have to defend himself. That is, until BRONN the mercenary steps up and says he'll fight on the dwarf's behalf. There's a short, particularly nasty fight, and Lysa's champion finds himself sailing out the Moon Door. Having passed the trial, Tyrion and Bronn depart the Eyrie.

Bran's good idea was to take his brand new, custom-made saddle for a spin, while THEON and ROBB are arguing about whether or not the Starks and Lannisters will be going to war. His good idea rapidly turns bad when he wanders too far off and is attacked by WILDLINGS. They're cutting him out of the saddle when Robb shows up and starts aerating their midsecctions, but before he can finish them off, one of the Wildlings snatches Bran from his saddle as a hostage. Given the circumstances, that probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but Theon's arrow says otherwise. Robb's actually kind of annoyed that Theon saved Bran's life. Well, more accurately, he's scared shitless that his little brother nearly got his throat slit, and takes that out on Theon, claiming to be miffed that Theon's arrow might've accidentally finished what Jaime started. Theon is just annoyed that Robb is annoyed. In the midst of all this flying angst, Robb spares the life of the last Wildling, a female.

KING ROBERT forces NED to reclaim his position as Hand of the King, then heads off to a hunt, so Ned does his best to fill in while Fat Bob is gone, which is a fine idea, especially if he wants to prevent war between his family and the Lannisters. Ned's still insisting that capturing Tyrion was his idea, by the way, which is both noble and ungodly stupid. Some farmers come to court to say that a Very Scary Man has been burning their land, covering their children in pitch, and generally ruining everyone's day. PETYR observes in the worst stage whisper ever that the lands in question belong to CATELYN's family, and that the Very Scary Man sounds an awful lot like The Mountain, GREGOR CLEGANE, aka the fixer for Tywin Lannister. So Ned decides the best course of action is to not wait for the King to get back, but instead to strip The Mountain of all of his lands, his title, and make him a marked man by sentencing him to death. Because, you know, that will totally keep the Lannisters off his back. There's something to be said for being a man of honor, but as Bronn might point out, it's not honor that wins fights. Ned has to know that his actions will put him right back in the Lannisters' crosshairs, but maybe he believes that it's more important to be just than to be safe. Or maybe he's just an idiot.

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