Critical Intel

Critical Intel
You Hear About That 47 Boy?

Augustus Deacon Pappy Rath | 6 Dec 2012 16:00
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You hear about that 47 boy? Seems he's gotten himself into a mess of trouble again. Who'd have imagined it? After all, he's always been such a good, upright boy, never gave cause for injury, never any hassle. But where are my manners? Sit yourself down on this here rocking chair, Angela's made some lemonade.

It's been in all the papers. What a shame. Dear me, what a shame. You know that 47 boy, he was always so nice and charming when he came by the house-and such an impeccable dresser! You know my granddaddy always said you could tell a man by the cut of his clothes and the gloss on his shoes, but I suppose my granddaddy was wrong.

They say it was a Facebook app, you understand; a Facebook app where you could make a little movie about assassinating your friends, if they agreed to it. Now that sounds a little distasteful in my estimation, but I'm not one to judge-what two friends do on Facebook is their own private business, that's my thoughts on the matter-but they say it included these personal insults, you know, to identify the person, saying they had a big nose or awful makeup, a small bust or a tiny pe... well, I don't know all, and we're better off not repeating it anyway. Let's just say it was personal and anatomical and leave it at that. Now nobody asked for my opinion, but I think the whole scheme was ill-advised. I mean, say you got one of these requests but didn't want to participate? Turning down a personal request like that, well, that's a little bit of a slight in itself. Sure it'd just be a chuckle in the right crowd, but seems to me there's a grave peril that the thing might be misused by dishonorable parties. Well, anyway they've pulled it now, within just a few hours of release, and I shan't talk about something I was never able to see with my own eyes.

Mind you everyone's already talking about it. That Mr. John Walker down at Rock Paper Shotgun? He broke the news to everyone. Called it "cyber-bullying," which I suppose it is, and mentioned that making death threats online is illegal. Now I'm no magistrate but that doesn't seem like it would hold water before a judge-I suppose he said it in jest. Mr. Hendriks at BioWare, he wondered how anyone thought it was a good idea in the first place, which is fair. Mr. Vella of Capybara Games, you know him-yes you do, he's one of those indie boys, made that fine pixel art game Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery - he said it all had to be made up, that there was no way something like that gets approved and made public. Ms. Leigh Alexander, well, she said a lot of things-and every one of them true-but it's probably best you just hear her out yourself.

More lemonade? Angela, would you be a dear and make us a fresh pitcher? It's powerful hot out today. She's been so sweet to me since I've been laid up with this leg.

My yes, I do remember that 47 boy. Why must've been back in the Summer of '02 we spent many hours together. Great stories from that time, great stories. I ever tell you that one about the Fugu fish? 47, he snuck into this gangster's kitchen and poisoned his guts by improperly preparing blowfish sushi. In and out like he was never there. Now that's a clever bit of design! That was back in the Eidos days, when 47 was advertised for his intelligence rather than his connection to ladies in unsavory clerical vestments. But let's not talk about golden summers long past, it's liable to bring on the melancholy.

Mind you, even then there were signs. Back in '02 young 47 got in hot water for portraying a Sikh holy site as a den of terrorists linked to Afghanistan. That was shortsighted, to say the least, especially after so many Sikhs were facing prejudice from ignorant people after September 11th. Then of course there was the blowup of '05, when his magazine ads showed dead women, one in frilly skivvies and the other in the bath, near naked as the day she was born.

Then, of course, you remember that affair earlier this year with the young ladies in the penguin outfits. Some called it misogynist and others said it was an excuse to show 47 beating indecently-dressed women-I suppose I can get on board with those arguments-Ms. Pinchefsky down at Forbes even talked to a real, ah, former artistic burlesque performer who said even dancing girls wouldn't be caught dead in that getup. For my part, though, the whole thing just left me confused. The 47 I saw in that trailer, he didn't seem like the fellow I knew all those years ago. The man I knew prized professionalism and modesty above all things, and he eschewed any form of flamboyance. Not only do these scandalously-dead women make me uncomfortable, they just don't seem like 47, who never glanced at a woman's d├ęcolletage in the whole time I knew him.

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