Extra Punctuation

Extra Punctuation
It's Time For Mortal Kombat vs. Everyone Else

Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw | 7 May 2013 16:00
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Mortal Kombat vs. Game of Thrones

You've got your large number of characters, check. You've got most of them being fairly tasty in a fight, check. You've got a leaning towards extreme violence, check. And of course firm justifications for no one having the sense to be backed up by a few friends or perhaps a big gun. There's even nice potential for a clash of ideology as the magic-infused Eastern fighting stylings of Mortal Kombat comes up against magic-infused Western medieval swordfights. Well, in all honesty, I'm mainly just rationalizing the desire to watch Joffrey getting completely fucking twatted. In fact, sod most of this idea; just make Joffrey a DLC character whose every attack is an impotent whine.

Mortal Kombat vs. David Bowie

Okay, bear with me on this one. The standard sort of alternate universe tossery happens and the Mortal Kombat crew invade the real world, but when Shang Tsung attempts to pilfer the soul of David Bowie, it fractures into every identity the popular singer has ever had. And so the roster is filled by such characters as the Thin White Duke, Aladdin Sane, Ziggy Stardust and Major Tom. The final battle would of course be against Jareth the Goblin King, whose alarmingly prominent crotch bulge is simultaneously his weak spot and his special attack.

Mortal Kombat vs. Les Miserables

What better crossover material than the only musical that it's OK for men to like? And on the masculinity scale that's like Scotsmen wearing kilts, so masculine it doesn't even have to pretend. Again, lots of characters who are no strangers to a punch-up, but I hear you cynics coming at me at this point. "Yahtzee, you said you'd stop being facetious about this, obviously Les Miserables can't be made into a fighting game." Except here's the kicker, O cynic: it already has been. An amateur, freely downloadable one, but nevertheless. And before you ask, yes, it's Japanese. They're quite big on Les Mis over there. Actually, here's an interesting trivia titbit: the actor considered to be the definitive Japanese Valjean, portraying him numerous times in stage productions, is Takashi Kaga, better known to the West as Chairman Kaga from Iron Chef. Actually, that reminds me...

Mortal Kombat vs. Iron Chef

Yeah, you laugh now, but I saw the episode where they were cooking with live crabs and let me tell you, those guys have the cold, dead souls of poorly dressed killers.

Yahtzee is a British-born, currently Australian-based writer and gamer with a sweet hat and a chip on his shoulder. When he isn't talking very fast into a headset mic he also designs freeware adventure games. His personal site is www.fullyramblomatic.com.

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