Extra Punctuation

Extra Punctuation
Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood

Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw | 7 Aug 2009 15:00
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It's not a good idea to have a gameplay mechanic that requires one's reaction time to be at a very specific level. It's like refusing access to the next level because of the player's height; a lot of people can't do much to fix that. I'd suggest reducing the number of showdowns to about three or four and end the other chapters with, I dunno, a boss fight with a giant robot spider.

Or better still, keeping with the two-brothers routine, how about giving us a choice? If we want we can play the brother who actually does the showdown, or we can choose to play the other one. Your job then would be to stand in the baddie's line of sight and reflect sunlight into their eyes, point and yell "What's that over there?!", or maybe whip your willy out just as the bell rings. Then press X to wave it back and forth.

Anyway.

"Anyhoo, I have Wii Sports Resort and think it's a very fun little game. Certainly not one for the uber-hardcore crowd, but if they had their way, Marior [sic] would be a dull as dishwater space marine and Link would wear gritty chainmail and be covered with blood."
- JacOak, from the Wii Sports Resort comments

Well, you're pretty much describing Zelda Twilight Princess there, but otherwise, fuck you. 'Hardcore' doesn't mean 'Halo-playing twitchy fourteen-year-old douchebag.' 'Hardcore' gamers means the gamers who get into it. The gamers who have gamed since 256 colors were a distant wet dream. The gamers who follow all the hype and who want games with depth and innovation. The gamers who read websites like this one and ultimately the gamers who give a shit. Hardcore gamers are the ones who want the Mario and Zelda games Nintendo can't be bothered with anymore because they're too busy making popcorn nothings like Wii Sports Resort for their new 'casual gamer' friends.

Casual gamers are people who buy a Wii because the TV told them to and play it for about an hour before going off to mow the lawn or watch Days of our Lives or whatever else normal people do with their time. And pandering to these insipid fucks is only going to bite Nintendo in the arse when the Nissan iFurby or whatever the next tech trend will be lures them all away. Because after that they'll have nothing but a broken gimmick and all the long-term hardcore players they betrayed. Hope it was worth it, guys.

Yahtzee is a British-born, currently Australian-based writer and gamer with a sweet hat and a chip on his shoulder. When he isn't talking very fast into a headset mic he also designs freeware adventure games and writes the back page column for PC Gamer, who are too important to mention us. His personal site is www.fullyramblomatic.com.

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