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Two issues remain unresolved in my mind after last weeks video. Firstly I must confess that my assurance that all the Mario & Luigi RPGs for the various Nintendo handhelds are fun was based partly on hearsay, because I hadn't actually gotten around to playing the first one. Secondly, I made another assurance that such things are good to have on long plane rides, which I had not properly verified.

Fortunately, the opportunity to clear up both has arisen. I've tracked down a copy of Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga for GBA, and at time of writing I have just commenced a ten-hour plane flight to Los Angeles from Brisbane. Couldn't have asked for a nicer seat, either - by the window, with two vacant seats beside me. So I'm going to play Mario & Luigi non-stop for as long as it takes for the battery to run out, or for the plane to crash and kill everyone, and report back every hour or so. Off we go!

Hour 0

Gotten through the intro thing, and Bowser has just refused to kidnap Princess Peach because she's lost her voice and can't stop crying. He's obviously not into Japanese porn, then.

Nice to see that Mario is equipped with "Work Pants" by default, while Luigi starts off with the "Work Jeans." Luigi, therefore, remains the cooler of the Mario brothers. This bad boy plays by his own rules.

Ha, look at all those newbies filling out their customs forms right after take-off. Everyone knows you wait 'till the last hour or so, in case your wife gives birth mid-flight. Obviously not a seasoned traveler like me.

Hour 1

Just finished one lunch and one vodka tonic that tasted like deodorant. Food was alright, though. I don't really get what people dislike about airline food, but then I was brought up on English cuisine. English food is "cuisine" in the same way jerking off with both hands is a "menage a trois."

Still don't get why there are separate jump buttons for the bros. Seriously. The only places you need to jump separately are while under those blocks that switch between red and green, and maybe in some of the minigames. But no one in the game realizes this. The baddies give signals to indicate which of the bros they're going to attack, but I just make them both dodge at the same time. It just makes the monsters look a bit silly for investing in both the red fireball and the green one.

The first pseudo-quest was a quick grind for 100 coins. Not a promising beginning. A thought: Since coins come out of baddies when you kill them, aren't Mario and Luigi guilty of something equivocal to trading blood diamonds?

Next quest is a fetch quest for some rock on top of a mountain. Things are hotting up now.

Hour 2

Used my first mushroom at the 1:26 mark. Earphones starting to hurt.

Do I want to learn how to use hammers in battle? NO I FUCKING do NOT, game, because I died, reloaded my last save, and am now seeing this for the second time. And I see you're not letting me pick "no," so I'm perplexed as to why you even asked.

Okay, I really, really, really shouldn't be complaining about this, but why do I have this whole row to myself, anyway? Just makes me wonder, is all. When I was checking in at the terminal, did the lady take one look at me and type "KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THIS ONE?"

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