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"He didn't mention that there are tits in it."
- AlucardXIX

Oh yeah, sorry, I forget to mention something in my review of The Saboteur: there's tits in it. How foolish of me to overlook the area of my expertise. Yes, the game box contains a voucher for a special piece of DLC that causes all the burlesque dancers in the club at the start of the game to get their judders out. I've got no problem with it; as I've said before, anyone who claims to have a problem with the female squashpocket is both a liar and a sexually repressed liar. I appreciate The Saboteur's cutting out of the middleman - a game like Resident Evil 5 might release a few alternative costumes over DLC that get increasingly fetishistic, but The Saboteur isn't afraid to cut right to the chase.

Perhaps this is the answer to the censorship issue: a universal "opt in" system. So all the games sold in stores have all had their adult content removed, but you can download it later if you want it. For example, in its retail form Alien Vs. Predator 3 could have all the characters wielding water pistols, and aliens would kiss their enemies lightly on the backs of their heads to make them swoon with flirtatious glee, and instead of laying eggs in their chest cavity the face huggers instead feed the space marines a nourishing three-course meal. Then you just download a quick DLC patch to get the actual game. Censors can't complain about corrupting the children because installing the adult content becomes a choice made by responsible human beings, as alien a concept as that might be to the Australian government.

Best of all, it could even work the other way to spice up already child-friendly games for adult players who don't want to be patronized. Like, say, a patch for Cooking Mama, so that when you let the soup boil over, Mama rends her garments and cuts your arsehole out with a fish slice.

Yahtzee is a British-born, currently Australian-based writer and gamer with a sweet hat and a chip on his shoulder. When he isn't talking very fast into a headset mic he also designs freeware adventure games and writes the back page column for PC Gamer, who are too important to mention us. His personal site is www.fullyramblomatic.com.

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