Extra Punctuation

Extra Punctuation
Kid Icarus: Uprising and Hurt Nintendo Fans

Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw | 1 May 2012 16:00
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"@YahtzeeCroshaw Hey jackass, just because you weren't biased against Nintendo back then doesn't mean you aren't now."
- @LordTerminal

Right, okay, you've got me there. After I'd parted ways amicably with the Gamecube, Shigeru Miyamoto butchered my entire family with a Wiimote on the end of a stick and now the only revenge I can get is to immediately badmouth everything Nintendo does regardless of my genuine opinion of their work. The point I was making in explaining that I liked the Gamecube was that at that point I would surely have more reason to be biased in Nintendo's favor than against. The only possible reason I would subsequently turn against them would be because they keep fucking up.

I know I like to come across as aloof to the mealy-mouthed whining of the fanboys but I do feel genuinely upset when people say I'm automatically biased against Nintendo, because in doing so they are firstly using that as an excuse to immediately dismiss all of my arguments, and secondly insulting me and my journalistic credibility. And while I don't want to turn this into me basically saying "NUH-UH", I don't see how I can make it any clearer that I'm not automatically biased against Nintendo except by pointing out there's no logical reason for me to be biased against Nintendo to any extent beyond that their games haven't been very good lately.

That's because of A) the aforementioned journalistic credibility, yeah, laugh it up, guys; B) life's too short to be petty, especially against companies who can buy and sell me and everyone I've ever met and to whom I am little more than a grumbling ant beneath a paving stone; and most importantly C) I own every console and I also game on PC and mobile devices. I have no preference and no investment in any kind of console war. I don't have a favorite platform, I have favorite games, and I am only interested in the individual quality of each game, not the underlying politics. Hell, if anything I appreciate that Nintendo seem to be the only triple-A company still interested in trying new things and the moment their faffing about outside the box produces anything that I can have any fun with I will sing it to the heavens.

It may look like I'm always bashing Nintendo because I'm always talking down motion controls, which Nintendo spearheaded, for being detrimental to immersion and control accuracy. But if you'll take a deep breath and calm your angry commenting fingers for a second to think, Nintendo fanboys, you'd realize that Nintendo agrees with me. With the exception of Skyward Sword all the recent titles in their first party franchises (Mario Galaxy, Kirby, Metroid Other M) have all but completely eschewed motion controls, besides pointing at the screen, which is more like simulating a light gun or mouse pointer than anything else. So defending motion controls for hardcore gaming is like defending a businessman's drunken decision to get a vagina tattooed onto his forehead.

So can we please drop this infantile, butthurt, meaningless fucking argument that I've got an irrational personal grudge against a company whose games you'll note it has somehow never occurred to me to just stop buying if I hate them so much. Why is this argument only ever used against me? I've never heard anyone say "Oh, Nintendo brought out another shit game. They must have some kind of automatic bias against Yahtzee Croshaw."

Yahtzee is a British-born, currently Australian-based writer and gamer with a sweet hat and a chip on his shoulder. When he isn't talking very fast into a headset mic he also designs freeware adventure games. His personal site is www.fullyramblomatic.com.

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