Love FAQ

Love FAQ
Don’t Take It Personally, Babe, It Just Ain’t Your Story

Lara Crigger | 29 Jul 2011 16:00
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Dear Love FAQ,

There's this girl. She's the best friend of my best friend's fiance. At their wedding, she will be the Maid of Honor, while I will be the Best Man.

I've known her for four years now, just as acquaintances, but this summer the four of us have been hanging out a lot. I've seen a different side of her, and I've grown to like her.

My question: Is it better to ask her out now, when we are still mostly acquaintances? Or is it better to become friends first, before trying for a relationship?

I should also say I'm hesitant to discuss this with my friend or his fiancé, because I dated one of her friends in college, and we had a nasty break-up. I worry that that experience might have turned them off to me dating this girl too.

Thanks,

Sidekicks Need Love Too

Dear Sidekick,

This is an easy one: Ask her out. Today. Right now. Go on. I'll wait.

Look, you like this girl. You know you two have a lot in common, that you can get along in stressful situations. And you already know you like her friends (and that she likes yours).

Life's too short to pass up a chance like this. So just stop waffling and ask her on a date already.

The worst case scenario is you two have a passionate, torrid affair that ends messily - something that could happen in any relationship, mind you - and you have to put up with a snarling psycho hose-beast until the wedding is over. It's a risk, but ... so what? You're an adult. If it happens, just put your Big Boy Pants on and act like a grown-up for a few hours. If divorced parents, Democrats and Republicans, and Sony and Microsoft fanboys can do it, then so, too, can you.

Given the situation, though, I think it's only fair you give the bride and groom a head's up. But don't ask their permission. It's not their call. It's yours. What you did years ago back in college doesn't matter; clearly your best friend's fiancé has forgiven you, if she was ever mad at all, and it wasn't her business to begin with anyway.
Besides, people change. They grow up. I assume you're smarter now, and would make every effort to avoid the same mistakes you made when you were in college. So don't let the 19-year-old you rule your sex life today.

Just remember one thing: Whatever happens between you and the Maid of Honor - whether you fall madly in love or you can't stand each other in six months - the wedding itself is not about you. It's about your friends and their happiness.

As long as you keep that in mind while you're on Best Man Duty, then do whatever the hell you like, with whoever the hell you like, in your off hours.

Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor - just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don't take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.

Got a burning question (or a question about burning) for LoveFAQ? Send your emails to advice@escapistmag.com. All submissions are confidential and anonymous.

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