Love FAQ

Love FAQ
All Your Base Are Belong to Mom

Lara Crigger | 26 Aug 2011 16:00
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Dear Love FAQ,

I think my friend's fiancé is a douche nozzle. I just want her to be happy, but in my heart, I think she's settling just so she can start a family. How can I support her, while not having to lie about my feelings about him?

Thanks,

The Darktown Apostate

Dear Apostate,

While I commend your loyalty to your friend, she probably already knows he's a jerk - and doesn't care. You don't agree to marry someone without at least some tacit acknowledgement and acceptance of their flaws. Who knows? Maybe she weighed the pros and cons, and decided that putting up with a man-baby is worth it to get babies of her own. If so, that's her choice, and nothing you say will change it. So out of respect for her, you should assume she's entering this marriage with her eyes wide open.

Besides, if she's a close enough friend that you feel obligated to warn her, then chances are she already knows you don't like him. No need to belabor the point.

If she asks for your honest opinion - and only you can tell if she really, truly wants it - then feel free to share your concerns in as much detail as you like. But be prepared for your criticism to leave a lasting mark, one that she may hold against you to the end of her days - or, at least, the end of her marriage.

But for now, assume she's decided on her course. And that means she needs a friend who can help her stay focused and sane amid the stress of wedding planning. So help her with what tasks you can, lend an ear when she needs one, and spend as little time around Douchebag McFucklenuts as you can manage.

Dear Love FAQ,

Is it possible to get out of the friend zone?

Thanks,

Looking for Warp Zone

No. Stop asking.

Okay, fine. Technically, I suppose it is possible, in the same way that it's possible you could saddle up a rhino and ride him to the Circle K for slushies. It's just very, very, improbable.

Both parties must emerge from the dreaded Friend Zone together - and too often, one person wants to move forward while the other is perfectly content to stay put.

The easiest way to avoid this is to not get stuck there in the first place. So if you like a girl, man up already and ask her out, the sooner the better.

Women like a man with balls. So do men. And so, I hear, do rhinos.

Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor - just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don't take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.

Got a burning question (or a question about burning) for LoveFAQ? Send your emails to advice@escapistmag.com. All submissions are confidential and anonymous.

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