Love FAQ

Love FAQ
When a Woman Loves a Woman, It’s Really Not About Your Penis

Lara Crigger | 2 Sep 2011 16:00
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LoveFAQ is a weekly advice column for geeks, by geeks about love, life and maxing out your romance meter. Got questions for LoveFAQs? Send them to advice@escapistmag.com.

Dear Love FAQ,

A few months ago I dated this bisexual girl. We went out for about 5 weeks, before she broke up with me in a very strange way: She told me she only dated me to see if she was capable of being in a relationship with a guy. Evidently, she couldn't.

I got angry at her, mostly because I felt like she used me. Eventually I got over her, but there's this anger and uneasy feeling I get whenever someone asks about her. I don't know why.

I want to stay friends with her, but all I feel is anger. What should i do?

Sincerely,
Dumped for FemShep

Dear Dumped,

You're allowed to feel upset. You *were* used. You were a glorified dildo, tossed away once this girl deciphered her own sexual confusion, and nobody likes to feel disposable.
But your persistent anger seems out of proportion for a relationship that lasted barely over a month. Are you really that upset about being used? Or are you more worried about what her decision to date ladies forevermore says about you?

It doesn't say *anything* about you, you should know. Her preferring pussy isn't a personal attack on your manhood. It's just what she likes. And far better that she acknowledge her preferences now, after just five weeks, than wait another five months to tell you - or five years.
Sure, it wasn't the nicest or classiest thing she could have done. But it's also not easy being confused about your sexuality, or so ashamed of it that you can't help but work through your issues at another's expense. So I say this with kindness: Just let it go. Clinging to your hurt feelings just isn't worth it, and it will only poison your heart and mind instead.

That said, if you're that hurt, don't even bother attempting to remain her friend. You aren't somehow better or more mature as a person if you can stomach a conversation with someone whose thighs were once wrapped around your head. Staying friends with exes is overrated: It works for some people, but not for most, and it's not like you get an Xbox Achievement either way.

You've got nothing to prove. To her, or yourself. Just move on.

Dear LoveFAQ,

My girlfriend and I usually agree on pretty much everything. If not, we calmly talk about the issue at hand and set about on fixing it. So why am I writing to you?

We can't decide at all what to watch when it comes to TV, so she just chooses what she wants to watch and I have to suffer through it.

I keep trying to introduce her to shows like Arrested Development or Firefly, but she says she's just not interested in starting a new show. So she picks out an episode of Voyager to re-watch. Again.

I feel like she's not taking into consideration that I might want to watch what I'd like to watch once in a while. But I'm nervous about making a big issue out of this, because she might just consider it to be not that much of an issue, then ignore it. What should I do?

Thanks,
You CAN Take The Sky From Me

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