Love FAQ

Love FAQ
When a Woman Loves a Woman, It’s Really Not About Your Penis

Lara Crigger | 2 Sep 2011 16:00
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Just tell her. You don't have to make a huge deal of it, of course. But if you don't tell her what's bothering you, then you can't in all fairness complain that she ignored your feelings. After all, she's not a mind reader, no matter how in sync your tastes may be.

Even after you tell her, though, be aware that she may still have no desire to try out Arrested Development or Firefly. You may like these shows, but their appeal isn't universal, and she may also worry that she'll disappoint you if she doesn't enjoy either show as much as you.

Instead, you may find her more willing to experiment with something more neutral, a show neither of you has seen before. For example, if she likes space-dramas featuring strong women in leadership roles, then what about Battlestar Galactica or Farscape? And if you like snarky, ensemble humor with a dash of absurdity, try Better Off Ted or Chuck.

But at the end of the day, if all she wants to do is curl up on the couch and re-watch Voyager for the seventeenth time, then you should just *let her*. Clearly she wants the comfort of the familiar, and nobody says you must sit there with her. Go do something else. Couples don't have to do everything together. You aren't the Borg. Yet.

Dear Love FAQ,

I just started college this year, and in the first few days I met this really cool girl. I can tell she likes me and I really like her. I really want to ask her out. In fact, I was planning to do that last night, but in conversation, she mentioned to me that her roommate got into a relationship three days after she met some guy, which she thinks is rushing it. She wouldn't even be sure, she said, about going out with somebody after a week of knowing them.

Her comment really threw me off. I like her and I can tell she likes me, but I don't want to rush anything. Yet I'm afraid if I wait any longer, things will slip into the "friend zone", and that's the last thing I want. I just don't know what to do.

Doubting the Timetable

Dear Doubting,

You think too much.

Ask her on a date. Today. And if that date goes well, ask her on a few more. Buy her dinner. Take her to the dollar theater, or maybe a $5 rock show downtown. Hold her hand. Tell her she smells nice. Kiss her. Sleep with her. Don't sleep with her. Do whatever feels natural, whatever feels right.

But don't assume *any* of that makes you her boyfriend. You two aren't in an exclusive relationship until you explicitly have a conversation establishing that you are. You're not in high school anymore, and among adults, one date doesn't a couple make.

In the meantime, both of you can and probably should see other people - you just got to college, after all. So go out. Meet more girls. And don't put all your eggs in one basket until you're positive the chicken only wants to lay for you - and that you like the taste of eggs in the first place.

Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor - just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don't take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.

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