Love FAQ

Love FAQ
Beauty Isn’t Just Pixel-Deep

Lara Crigger | 23 Sep 2011 16:00
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Dear LoveFAQ,

I am a white male who is attracted to everything East Asian: East Asian food, East Asian culture... but worst of all, I am attracted to East Asian females. Unfortunately, they do not seem as interested in me. I have made numerous attempts to introduce myself to some of them before, but they are either very ethnocentric, or they simply walk away when I say anything to them.

Worst of all, I am NOT attracted to women of other ethnicities. It is not something I can help, almost like how gay guys say they can't help that they don't like women; I have tried to force involving myself with white women thinking that it will make me like them, but I never feel any real enjoyment from it. I have been like this for over half a decade, and I am worried I am destined to seek what I can never have for the rest of my life. Grant me your wisdom please!

Sincerely,
Not An Otaku, Really

Dear Otaku,

Sexual preferences are normal. Everyone has them. And if that's all that was going on here, then I'd say, who cares? More power to you for knowing what you like.

But that's not what's going on here.

The ladies aren't avoiding you because they're racist. They're avoiding you because generally, women can sniff out a dude with a "thing for Asian women" (or black women, or Latinas, or whatever) from a mile away. Few people aspire to be wanted simply for their language or skin color.

Think of it this way: If the roles were reversed, and a woman was only interested in you because of the shape of your eyes or the food you ate... wouldn't you be at least a little offended?

You're idealizing, even fetishizing, "East Asian" culture - indeed, the fact that you can even call it "East Asian" with a straight face suggests an deeper ignorance of the underlying cultures. Despite their superficial similarities, the cultures of China, Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Thailand and so on are so vastly different that you can't lump them into one broad label without a heaping dose of over-simplification and borderline racism to make the pill easier to swallow.

I mean, East Asia refers to *half of a continent*. It's like saying you have a thing for "African" girls.

Yes, some women do dig being objectified, as do some men, and heck, maybe you'll be lucky enough to find one if you cast a wide enough net.

But in the meantime, ask yourself *why* you're so attracted to "East Asian females", as you call them. Is it a looks thing? Do you imagine them to be more submissive? More willing to focus on your needs instead of their own? The answer may help better inform what you're looking for - and perhaps reveal a few things about yourself, too.

PS: Sorry, dude. Unless you can show me a PET scan indicating your brain is genetically hardwired to respond only to Harujuku girls, this isn't even anywhere close to being gay.

Dear LoveFAQs,

Is it okay for one member of a relationship to ask for the other to change their appearance?

Thanks,
ISO A Replacement Goldfish

Dear Goldfish,

You can *ask* anything you like.

Doesn't mean the other person's obligated to *do* anything about it.

Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor - just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don't take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.

Got a burning question (or a question about burning) for LoveFAQ? Send your emails to advice@escapistmag.com. All submissions are confidential and anonymous.

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