Love FAQ

Love FAQ
Don’t Put the Kart Before the Koopa Shell

Lara Crigger | 14 Oct 2011 16:00
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Dear Love FAQ,

I hear so much about the dreaded "friend zone" problem. But frankly, I'm just not comfortable dating someone unless we've already been friends for a fair amount of time.

Am I cheating myself out of opportunities by not being willing to go out with someone I don't already know well? Or is it actually possible to be "just friends" first?

Sincerely,
Friendship is Magic?

Dear Friendship,

Oh dear. I fear I've given all my readers a complex about the "friend zone".

Of course it's possible to be friends before lovers. It happens all the time. But the transition from friendship to romance isn't always easy.

Most people view the early days of any new connection - be it romantic or otherwise - as a reconnaissance mission, wherein one learns which of the many available Boxes this new mystery being should be assigned: the Platonic Box, the Dateable Box, the Douchebag Box, etc. Once you've been sorted, you can still be re-assigned, but the longer you know each other, the harder it becomes to change and re-evaluate that perspective.

In the end, it comes back to sexual tension. If you expect to ever make the switch from friends to lovers, at least some sexual tension must exist from the very get-go. And that requires both parties be equally interested. It's like tug-of-war: If one person tugs on a rope that the other person lets fall slack, the first can yank all day long without actually pulling anyone any closer.

Usually when you hear someone complain about being "friendzoned", this is exactly what has occurred: Long ago, the other person let go of the rope and walked away.

So yes, it is possible to redefine a relationship, although not every relationship can survive it. It's a risk you take, and unfortunately, not all risks pan out.

But when they do, the rewards are so very, very worthwhile.

Dear Love FAQ,

I'm sleeping with my college roommate. She doesn't want to openly declare us as a couple, in case things become awkward later. However, I have some pretty romantic feelings for her, and it hurts that she either won't reciprocate or admit to it.

Do I get out before I get badly hurt (and have to see her every day, maybe even in a new relationship), or stick it out and just hope they'll grow to feel the same way about me?

Yours sincerely,
Porn Made This Look A Lot Easier

Dear Easier,

If she's just not that into you, then break it off and find someone who is, before you get even more attached. Sticking your head in the sand only works for ostriches.

Also, do yourself a favor and find a new roommate. This one's clearly lost its pizzazz.

Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor - just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don't take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.

Got a burning question (or a question about burning) for LoveFAQ? Send your emails to advice@escapistmag.com. All submissions are confidential and anonymous.

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