Love FAQ

Love FAQ
This Time, You Aren’t The One With The Issues

Lara Crigger | 11 Nov 2011 16:00
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I've tried acting like a douche, but it doesn't work. I've set her up on dates, but she just dumps them. She's even convinced most of my friends of how good it would be if we did get together. That means every time I reject her, I look like the villian. HELP ME!


Dear Zevran,

Dude, she's not your best friend. She's your stalker.

Seriously, she's displaying all the classic signs of Dangerous Creeper: Extreme jealousy, possessiveness, emotional manipulation, turning your friends against you. If the genders were reversed, you'd already be the star of your own after-school special.

You need to get away from her, and fast.

Stop thinking of her as your friend, because she isn't. She doesn't care about understanding you, or accepting that no means no. I mean, she even feels entitled to your body because you're pansexual - seriously, who thinks like that?

So forget trying to set her up on dates, or modifying your behavior so she'll be turned off. It won't work. And don't even reject her anymore, because rejecting implies that you'd listen to her proposition in the first place.

Just minimize contact as much as you can. Cut her - and any of your friends who are enabling her - out of your life. She'll get the idea, and if she doesn't, consider asking authority figures for further help.

Dear Love FAQ,

I've recently become very close, platonically, to the girl of my dreams. She's adorable, intelligent, and we both seem to think we'd be perfect for each other. There are just two issues.

First, she lives a few states away, and she doesn't care for online relationships. Second, when I talked with her about this, she revealed to me that she's probably a lesbian, but that she was still trying to figure out her sexuality. She did seem to imply, however, that if she was going to be interested in any guy, it would probably be me.

The distance thing is a problem, but I'd be willing to travel to the other side of the planet for this girl, let alone a few states away. But I don't know if I'd want to make a commitment if she's just going to decide she isn't attracted to me or my gender after just a few dates.

I'm kinda stuck here, and as much as I love spending time with her online platonically, I really want us to be more than just friends. Any ideas?

Target Is Too Far Away

Dear Target,

If she's a lesbian-or even thinks she's probably a lesbian-then she's not the girl of your dreams.

Sorry, Mario. Your princess is in another castle. Look for the one who likes cock.

Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor - just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don't take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.

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