Love FAQ

Love FAQ
Nice Guys Suck

Lara Crigger | 25 Nov 2011 16:00
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This behavior is often bundled with a fearful, passive, or insecure approach to dating and women, which shouldn't be surprising, considering that Nice Guys™ are nothing if not insecure. Nice Guys™ confuse fear with respect; dependency with devotion. They hide their feelings, because they don't want them damaged. And that's okay, for a little while-but if you're ever going to find love, the kind that changes your life and makes you the man you were meant to be - then you must be honest with yourself, and everyone around you, about who and what it is you want. You've got to put yourself on the line. Because love only comes to those who earn it.

So if you want to fall in love, don't be a Nice Guy™. Those guys are dicks.

But you know what? I don't really recommend busting your ass to be a "nice guy", either.

Generally, I think being "nice" to attract a mate is overrated. "Nice" is great if you're a Disney Princess, but come on, everyone should be nice to each other. That's just standard practice for living in polite society. And just because people often aren't nice to each other doesn't mean that when you are, it somehow makes you more distinctive or desirable. I mean, it's like flossing. You really want to hang your hat on the fact that you floss, and other people don't? I mean, sure, you'll have nice teeth. But... what else?

A woman who tells her friends that, "well, he was nice" is damning you with faint praise, because it means she can't think of anything else to remember you by.

So don't settle for being "nice". Strive for "amazing", or "unforgettable", or "the greatest man I've ever met".

Yes, be respectful, generous and kind. Be nice. But also: Do the things you do well. Don't apologize when you win. Tell jokes in a crowd. Take the mic in Rock Band. Be the DM. See the world. Laugh loudly. Dance badly. Try the things that scare you. Wear a stupid hat. Share your opinions freely. Share your kindnesses even more freely. Love yourself first, and without restraint. Just burn, burn like a flame that can't go out; burn brighter and hotter than even the sun.

Fuck being a nice guy. Be a supernova instead.

*I've called men here, but Nice Guy™ behavior is gender-neutral. Ladies, don't be Nice Guys™ either.

Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor - just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don't take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.

Got a burning question (or a question about burning) for LoveFAQ? Send your emails to advice@escapistmag.com. All submissions are confidential and anonymous.

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