No Right Explanation

No Right Explanation
Hollywood Makes You Crazy

Firefilm | 27 Aug 2012 16:00
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Last week, the guys debated who reigned as the craziest person in Hollywood, and this week they continue the debate in print for your reading enjoyment.

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Chris: Why it is that crazy celebrities are so fascinating? We couldn't care less about the normal, nice guys, but for some reason, whoever's holding the anti-Semite stick for the week is just pure entertainment gold. My theory is that a true celebrity meltdown is always so beyond normal that it's worth standing up and taking note. Famous people don't just casually have doofy moments; they find a way to leap off the most crooked building in dodo village, and we all have front-row seats.

For this past week, Kyle and I got into a heated debate about crazy revolving around Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson, two entirely different breeds of zebra. While Cruise lives in his own world, entirely devoid of things normal people could associate with and understand, Gibson does live in our world and hates it with a passion, or at least those who inhabit it. And it really is a shame as both actors have starred in some phenomenal movies (The Patriot is actually my favorite movie ever, fun fact). But, for whatever reason, they've both just sunk in an ocean of Technicolor swirls.

The fun part of our debate was more that neither of us were worried that the other's option didn't qualify, which tends to be how things sift out most weeks, but rather we just went back and forth reminding everyone of the things that our guys did in the recent, memorable past. Gibson has been going on one explosive ragestorm after another, whereas Cruise has turned in his Earth passport for one belonging to the moon people. Maybe part of that revolves around what it'd have to take to belittle the other option: Saying nice things about them. I don't think either of us could have said truly kind things to offset the flood of goofballs and milk duds swimming our way from the two camps.

It's sort of a shame Kyle didn't get a chance to really dive deep into Tom Cruise's unbelievable world of wackiness. Sure, we've all seen the Oprah couch-jump and heard about Scientology. Yeah, that's not really crazy. But learning that Cruise had auditions for a chance to date/marry him? Wow, I don't even think royalty does that sort of backwards-hat swizzle sticks anymore.

Furthermore, we didn't get to hear as much about what Cruise had done within his movies, mostly tossing aside the notion of safety to do some ridiculous stunts akin to something Jackie Chan would only do when he was loaded on ethanol (thank you Drunken Master II). I'm not even going to try and point out the wackiness since this is all Cruise's boyhood fantasies come to life in ways you won't even notice since you'll just assume it's all CGI in the first place.

I know a few people were wondering about Gary Busey, but to be honest, he's not as crazy as he may appear, mostly because he's doing it on purpose most of the time. Now Christopher Walken, that guy's crazy, but in a purely enjoyable way. The man knows what's funny is all I'm saying, and it takes a special kind of crazy to know that (bears and bear suits). Lindsay Lohan, despite once being crazy-hot, is sadly not crazy in the slightest. Pitiable, but not crazy.

We just can't get enough crazy when it comes to the rich and famous. Well, until their breed of crazy harms either them or others. Then it's just not funny anymore. Isn't that right, Mr. Hitchcock? Oh, you didn't think he was straight-up psychotic? Oh, you have so much to learn, my friends.

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