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McArthur Blankenship | 5 Sep 2009 21:00
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Next Xbox More Durable, Made From Paper

Industry insiders say that the next Xbox experience may be made from an unexpected material: paper.

Xbox engineers have been working with a material which was first used in the 13th century on the isolated Japanese island of Sudokka. A small band of warrior-children defended the island against 40,000 Mongol soldiers by decapitating their foes with paper cranes and turtles. Children of a village on Sudokka begin folding paper shortly after they are born and retire before their 13th birthday, in order to keep the art form pure. Each paper animal is folded 12,000 times before it is tested before combat by slicing through a single feather.

The technique had remained a mystery until Microsoft scientists learned to navigate the treacherous, man-eating, giant squid infested waters that surround the island. This fusion of ancient artisanship and modern engineering ensure the children of the island will always have a job working in Microsoft sweatshops.

"The tests we've run have been largely successful in eliminating the old issues with the Xbox; but; as with all new material, working with it presents a unique set of challenges. One of the biggest difficulties is that the paper-folding machine sometimes catches fire, sending razor sharp paper fragments boomeranging across the room immediately killing everyone in the vicinity. But at least it's not as disappointing as the red ring of death."

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