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Marion Cox | 21 Oct 2009 21:00
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What's it like being a game journalist. Do you travel to cool places?
- Caliostro

Well, Mr. Caliostro, I'm glad you asked! Since becoming a member of the privileged games journalism elite I have been invited to a great number of gaming events. Most recently, Worgstettin Studios invited me to Rotterdam to take part in a playtest of their new game: Titanic vs. Cthulhu.

TvC is a third-person shooter with role-playing and adventure game elements set aboard the Titanic during its fateful journey to the bottom of the sea. You play as Agatha Holmes, a straight-talking Scottish nun with a thirst for mystery and a habit (buh-dum-tish) of getting into impossible situations. During her adventures aboard the Titanic, Sister Holmes discovers an evil cult's plot to sink the ship as an offering to their Deep One masters. Ultimately, she must defeat Jack the Ripper in the game's ultimate showdown. Or at least that's what the press release says, for my experience with the game is limited, at best. Let me explain.

Ten journalists, including myself, arrived on at Rotterdam on Friday. After meeting out hosts at the airport, we were shuttled to the Westbrook hotel where the developers presented us with a T-shirt and a bag of swag. The bag contained a water-damaged journal, a marble bust of Sister Holmes and some seasickness pills.

The reasoning for the pills quickly became evident as our host announced that the event itself would be taking place on a 50-foot yacht, complete with a swimming pool and a classical orchestra. Later, as the pilot steered the ship into the Atlantic, I wondered what the headlines would read if the boat sank that night. Maybe something like: Titanic Sinks Again: This Time Less Tragic.

Feeling sick, either at the thought of a being in a room full of drunken game journalists or the gentle sway of the boat, I decided to go on-deck to get some air and pop a couple of my seasickness pills. About an hour later, I started feeling strange and found myself gushing to a porter about my new Zune's functionality and then stopping suddenly to demand a hug.

I don't remember much after that, and it was a week before my editor, concerned about my whereabouts, called local authorities. They later discovered me in an Amsterdam club named "Hard" dressed like Spock from that Star Trek movie where they save the whales, dancing to Gabber.

Since I seem to have devoted my entire notebook to a flipbook animation of a penis dancing with a butterfly, I can only say this about the game: Don't miss out on what will be one of the best games ever. A true masterpiece -and, I am not saying that just because Worgstettin paid my bail.

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