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Marion Cox | 4 Nov 2009 21:00
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Hey Mr. Cox, what is a good way to break into game Journalism?
- Armitage Shanks

These days, the industry is becoming harder to become a part of as more and more talentless hacks like yourself spoil it for the rest of us. However, if you're reading this column you're obviously the sort of enlightened person who deserves to know the secrets of into the games industry.

1. Hone your writing skills. I suggest starting small. Whether it's writing a 2000 word review of a triple-A title in Iambic Tetrameter or erotic fiction featuring a homoerotic subtext between Master Chief and Solid Snake, it's best to get as much feedback as you can. While receiving that criticism, you should trust your instincts. Remember, no one understands your writing better than you do. If they don't like your writing, they obviously don't get what you're trying to do.

2. Find a publication for which you want to work. Start by eliminating periodicals you think don't live up to your high standards. A good rule of thumb is: "If the periodical you are reading has more text than pictures it's probably full of elitist intellectuals."

Once you've chosen a magazine/website that doesn't suck, use your favorite search engine to find out the publication's editor's name, where they work and, if possible, a photograph. Most of this information is easy enough to find, but an enterprising "personal information enthusiast" will be able to find schedules of the conventions they'll be attending, family photographs and even a place of residence.

3. Approach your target. In the game industry, it's important to be personable and knowledgeable; make sure you have prepared something witty and game-related to say. There are plenty of staples to choose from, but I suggest, "The cake is a lie!" or "All your base are belong to us."

If you're initially turned away, don't fret - it's all about persistence. If they don't love you right away, I am sure they will eventually. Remember, editors are not people and have no personal space or rights to privacy. In fact, most editors love being approached by unqualified amateurs in search of their dream job.

4. Now that you're a real game journalist, it's time to rest on your laurels and enjoy a job which mainly consists of bragging about playing new games before your friends do and eating candy. Make sure you take some of that industry kickback money and spend it on a Macintosh Powerbook. This allows you to work on your werewolf/vampire romance novel while sipping on your five-dollar soy mochachino at Starbucks in your free time.

Follow these simple steps and you will find yourself hobnobbing with Brian Crecente, Clifford Bleszinski, and Michael Pachter at those secret game industry sex parties.

Read on for gossip about new Borderlands DLC, leaked Sony DRM code and the touching story of an Eastern European album artist known only as Flskgjekgh Fghrife.

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