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Reliable Source: Top Gaming Gifts for People You Don’t Like

Marion Cox | 28 Nov 2009 14:00
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I've been looking for gifts for a bunch of "friends" I don't really like, do you have any suggestions?
- Skarvig

As it happens, once a year around Christmas time, I put a list of gifts to buy for all the people who've pissed me off over the last year. These are my suggestions for this year; feel free to tell us your own suggestions in the comments section. Remember: only you can ruin Christmas for the people who annoyed you this year.

The Foreign Family Down The Street

Call of Duty: World at War - All that praying and talking in funny languages and such just isn't American. The only way they are going to learn the "right" way to do things is by playing and replaying America's finest moment in history, when we saved the world from the Japanazi Zombie Horde! They probably aren't terrorists - but it never hurts to be sure.

Best Price: 40-50 dollars new, but you really can't put a price on freedom, can you?

A friend's girlfriend/wife

Peggle Deluxe - Let's say a certain friend has had to spend a lot of time at home watching Jon & Kate Plus 8, and pretending that he cares about Jon's extramarital activities to satisfy some relationship activity quota. Peggle is scientifically proven to free up time for drinking heavily spiked eggnog and gives you the added bonus of being able to say, "I got you this because I heard you like unicorns and pachinko."

Best Price: 15 dollars on Steam, two or three months of listening to one snippet of Ode to Joy.

Cousins who rooted against your team during the Super Bowl

Madden 2008, used - Nothing says you're paying attention to your family like sports games. Make sure you get it for the wrong console too. Then tell him the clerk told you that console was better. If the spoiled little brat has both a 360 and PS3 get it on Wii, because no one has one of those.

Best Price: Who cares, that little cretin deserves to be disappointed.

Invisible friends

Nothing! - They didn't remember your last birthday, they never pay for meals, and they don't even try when they're playing the 2P controller in Metal Slug. Then there was that time when that pretty girl at the bar started talking to you, and he totally cock-blocked you by telling one of his incredibly boring stories about his time as a Sherpa in Tibet. Seriously, why do you even hang out with that guy?

Best Price: Giving up the attention having an invisible friend brings to the table, and some of your childhood innocence.

While Mr. Cox tramples some Christmas shoppers, you can read the latest on body part guessing games, texting, and alcohol, all posted directly from Marion's monogrammed Zune HD in real-time.

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