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Reliable Source: Marion Cox Sr. Reveals The Secret Fifth Class in Diablo 3

Marion Cox | 5 Dec 2009 14:00
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But I am sure that you folks are not here to read about the Cox's family history. I know you're itching to know what my son thinks about that Satanist game, Diablo 3. Too bad for you that Marion wrote it down on loose leaf paper which suffered an unfortunate end when I mistook them for fire starting materials. I mean, how was I supposed to know that the microwave didn't need some tinder to get it started?


Regardless of the missing notes, I'll do my best to fill in the blanks, but I don't really know much about the game beyond what I've seen on the moving picture machine and what Marion has yelled at me from his incoherent ramblings about old people and computers.

[Editor's Note: The following was taken from Marion's notes made a week earlier while attending a showcase for an alpha-build of Diablo 3. Due to illness, some of the following had to be reconstructed by Marion Cox, Sr.]

Diablo 3 is a game. Players take the roles of a Monk, Barbarian, Witch Doctor and a fifth yet to be announced class that is most likely the Rainbowmancer. Blizzard wouldn't comment too much on the details but told me that the Rainbowmancer potentially could harnesses the power of colored light to smite evil and distract enemies by sending them on foolish quests in search of pots o' gold. Each class gives players the option to play as a male or female character, but those differences are merely a cosmetic choice. The female barbarian, for example, does not have any bonuses to cook wild animals or wash the party's loincloths.

Another aesthetic choice Blizzard has also addressed is the concern from fans that the game's graphics may be too vibrant. For this reason, Blizzard has given players the option to turn off your monitor and play the game "as it was meant to be played." True fans of the series who expect dismal washed out graphics should be more than happy with this new option. Casual gamers can enjoy brightly colored environments and spell effects like the girly-men they are.

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