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Reliable Source: Revenge, Sex on the Battlefield 2

Marion Cox | 30 Jan 2010 14:00
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The instant I said it, I knew I had gone too far. The tears started and then the weeping, followed inevitably by the wailing. She started her huffing again. "Jesus, pull the car over," I said as if I was trying to stop a car accident, which of course I was.

A few minutes later we pulled into strip-mall somewhere in Iowa. Then I made a huge mistake, possibly the biggest screwup of my life. I offered her a tissue from the glove box to wipe some of the snot and tears from her face. That simple act of kindness must have touched a nerve because two minutes later we were "doing it" in the backseat of her Chevy Malibu.

Afterward, she looked into my eyes and said "Marion, I missed you."

Our roles were suddenly reversed; fear welled up in me. I had heard those exact same words right before she suggested that we get married. What the fuck was I doing?

She must have felt confident, because, with a wink and smile, Sue offered to go buy some post-coital snacks from the 7-11. I sat in the car for a while. Another wave of panic crashed over me. This wasn't going to happen; I wasn't going to let her do this. Not again. Fuck me once, shame on you; fuck me twice, yeah, well, not this time.

The next few hours made little sense. I vaguely remember driving the car out of the parking lot and driving for several hundred miles before fully realizing I had just had sex with my ex-wife and left her in the parking lot of a strip mall.

By the time I came to my senses it was much too late to go back. It would just be easier to tell her bank robbers had abducted me. Either that or I would tell her it was payback for making me throw away the 427 pewter miniatures I had painstakingly painted with the world's smallest paintbrush. To this day, I still get cramps in my hand when I squeeze the toothpaste bottle.

What a B!

Marion Cox will have a chance to continue to ignore his problems when Battlefield: Bad Company 2 comes out in March.

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