Shamus Plays

Shamus Plays: LOTRO, Part 11

Shamus Young | 31 Mar 2010 13:00
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This is somewhat less respectable than I'd hoped, but a lot more respectable than hide-and-seek-and-die-of-humiliation-in-front-of-the-entire-Shire-governing-body. Call it a wash.

"I've baked these pies and they must be delivered soon. Before they cool." she explains.

I reply, "You do two things here. You bake pies, and deliver pies. How did one of those slip your mind? Shouldn't you have had some sort of plan for this pie for when it came out of the oven?" I might not have said this out loud on account of me wanting her to give me money.

She hands me a pie saying, "Take this over to the Green Dragon in Bywater. And be quick! And don't let any hungry Hobbits near it!"

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Still holding the pie, I ask her, "What do you mean, 'hungry Hobbits'? What other kind of Hobbit is there? That's like saying not to let it near tall Elves or to keep it away from Orcs that aren't pastry chefs. You're talking about all of them, basically."

"Well don't let it near particularly hungry Hobbits."

There is a pause in the conversation where she has a chance to explain herself and doesn't. Finally I take the bait, "Okay, I give up. Why shouldn't I let it near hungry Hobbits?"

"Because they'll smell it, silly!"

Another pause. Another missed opportunity for her to make sense. "How is this a bad thing?" I ask at last.

"Because if they smell my pies they'll come 'round and want some."

"So you're trying to avoid getting more business?"

"I simply do not have time to make more pies!"

"So... tell them that?"

"I don't have time to do that either!" she protests.

"Right. Because if you made more pies then when would you have time to stand around in front of your house not delivering them?"

"Exactly!"

You also have to carry the pie out in front of you, using both hands. I mean sure, Lulzy might have one hundred open buckets of water in her pocket, but a pie? That would never fit.

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