Shamus Plays

Shamus Plays: Champions Online, Part 2

Shamus Young | 21 Jul 2010 13:00
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I'm having trouble figuring out why the aliens took the time to collect airline tickets. I would think that anyone arriving on their own spaceship wouldn't really have a lot of use for them. Maybe after exterminating and enslaving humanity they plan to engage in some sort of scam involving frequent flier miles?

Next I have to free people from the rubble. This is fun. Thrown objects do tremendous damage, so I lift rubble off of a bystander, hurl it at a bugman to kill him, and recover the medical supplies he drops.

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I return to the Chief who coughs up my XP bounty. Then I hand Clayton his luggage, but of course he can't go anywhere. This part of the city is sealed off by the aliens. Even if he escapes, I doubt the airlines are going to be doing their thing with aliens in orbit. I don't think Clayton really thought this through. I leave him to sit alone and dejected, with his suitcase and his airline tickets. Loser.

The Chief sends me to see the Silver Avenger, a fellow superhero. Finally, I will be rid of these nagging civilians and we can do some real superhero type stuff. I wonder what sort of exotic missions we'll undertake together?

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The mission to see the Silver Avenger is titled "Silver Avenger Sandwich." I have no idea why, and I'm MUCH too embarrassed to ask.

She's standing next to a SWAT van, but it's too heavy for me to lift so I manage to speak with her without hurling the thing. It turns out that her plan is: She stands around while I go kill aliens. This pretty much what I've been doing since I crawled out of the rubble, is killing bugmen for NPCs who have lists of things that need punched and excuses why they can't do it themselves.

Silver Avenger gives me a zap gun and asks me to zorch three aliens with it. I strongly object. I'm Star On Chest. I'm not Gun Man or Captain Shooting Stuff. This whole gun thing goes completely against my nature, my powers, my moral code, and character concept. My agent would go bonkers if he even saw me holding a gun. Do you think Altmier's Brand Zesty Hot Sauce, with their authentic south-of-the-border flavor and easy-pour spout in three amazing flavors wants a spokesman who goes around shooting people? I assure you, they do not.

But she insists that this is a special science gun. It will do some sort of science-y thing to the aliens that will help us understand something or other that I honestly couldn't follow. I ask her if they could make the gun do the science stuff without hurting the aliens. I mean, I could do that. It would be like taking their picture. I get the readings, then make with the punching. Sadly, they can't do that.

I'm really uncomfortable with this, but I grudgingly agree to take the gun with me and maybe or maybe not use it against some aliens, I can't make any promises.

She also asks me to destroy some alien equipment. Can do.

She just wants me to destroy one alien console, but their stuff is so sad and flimsy it would be really hard to destroy just one on my trip through the city. I decide to destroy every single bit of alien technology with my bare hands in order to make up for the whole gun thing.

I go down a side-street and smash up some alien stuff with great relish. Then, looking around to make sure nobody else is around, I use the gun to zap a few dudes.

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This just doesn't feel right. These aliens will pay for making me break from my character concept! Thankfully the green ooze they spit is obscuring my face.

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