Shoot Club

Shoot Club: All Our Pretty Songs Part Four: Pick Up My Guitar And Play Just Like Yesterday

Tom Chick | 27 Dec 2007 17:00
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"'Stumping for Incumbents'? That's the name of the band?"

"Yep."

"I don't get it."

"That's the whole idea. There's nothing to get. Explain Blue Oyster Cult to me. Or Queens of the Stone Age. Or Pink Floyd."

"I can actually explain Pink Floyd," Jude offers.

"Why don't we be the Knights of Rock?" Mike asks, revealing to everyone that the gayest choice was his.

"I told you. That's just gay. Knights of Rock is like something a bunch of kids would name their band."

"But you could spell it with an N. Nights of Rock. It could have a double meaning like knights with a K. It's a homonym."

"You're a homonym. We're Stumping for Incumbents. Buy your own copy of Guitar Hero if you don't like it."

He played the 'buy your own copy' card, which is pretty harsh and always a comment of last resort. I've only used it twice in the entire history of Shoot Club, and both times it was on Douglas. We're cowed into accepting the band name.

"Rock Band," Peter notes.

"What?"

"You said Guitar Hero. This is Rock Band."

"Fuck, did I say Guitar Hero? That's going to take some getting used to."

"Not for me," Jude says, continuing to smack the little plastic drums in anticipation of actual music coming up. He's told us three or four times that he was a drummer in high school, but he hasn't mentioned it so much after losing control of a drum stick and flinging it across the room.

"I wonder if there's a Rock Band faceplate for the Guitar Hero III guitar?" Peter muses, pulling gently at the guitar's faceplate. "That would be cool."

"Can I have a turn?" the new guy asks.

"You're after me," Jude tells him.

"Hey, you know, the Will It Blend guy did one with Guitar Hero III."

"He blended Guitar Hero III?"

"Well, the neck of the guitar."

"That guy is full of hate and rage."

"He is creepy looking. Like he has kidnapped children locked up in his basement."

"Okay," Trevor announces after typing 'Stumping for Incumbents', "we are gonna rock out with our cocks out."

"What does that even mean?"

"I'm pretty sure it's figurative."

"That's good to know."

"Are these the only songs?"

We can choose Weezer, Nirvana, and Garbage.

"At first. You have to unlock the rest. Duh."

"Oh, I know this one," Jude says when Trevor goes by the Nirvana song. "I vote that one."

"Okay, here we go." Trevor takes up the mic, Peter hitches up his guitar strap, I lower my guitar strap to be more bass like, and Jude taps the drum sticks against each other three times. Tap tap tap. And then three more times as the song as loading. Tap tap tap. And then three more before the song actually starts. Tap tap tap. And then the song starts when he's half way through trying to tap the sticks another three times. It doesn't bode well for Jude's sense of timing.

But then we're playing Rock Band. It's slightly transcendent, except that all we can hear is Jude banging the plastic drum pads, trying to catch up with the rhythm. But it's still Rock Band and it's awesome. We get to the end of the song and look around at each other, grinning and embarrassed at how exciting it was.

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