The Writers' Room

The Writers' Room
Let's Retire the Reboot

Elizabeth Grunewald | 29 Nov 2010 22:10
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I am so tired of the word "reboot." I feel like I read it everywhere. Packages in the grocery store blur before my eyes, only to have "Raisin Bran" and "raspberry" replaced by "reboot." The word anthropomorphizes itself in my dreams as an oily, toothy little demon, spitting on my comic books and stealing the little money I have. This has got to stop.

Superman Returns was terrible, but it only came out four years ago. I'm not sure the time is ripe for another crack at the character. Spider-Man 3 was even more recent, released in 2007. Edward Norton's turn as The Incredible Hulk was only two years ago, for pete's sake, and already Mark Ruffalo is in line to tear his shirt in a new and exciting take on the character. These are the films that the comic-book-reading, movie-going public is clamoring to see? Please. Off the top of my head, I have four comic characters I'd pay money to see on the big screen, and not one of them has ever been the star of his or her own live-action feature film. Shocking, I know. Note that there are some women on this list. No, really, Hollywood. Note that.

BLACK CANARY

WHY I WANT IT: If ever a character exemplified that kickassery and femininity could comfortably coexist without the need to comment on it, it's Black Canary. Far from settling for mere super-strength, or flight, or utility belts and lassos and such, Dinah keeps it simple with a superior mastery of martial arts and an ultrasonic shriek. Her personal life is complicated, and there are a hundred plots from which to choose. Each of them could easily carry a feature film: Her relationship with Ollie, her parenting of Sin, her exposition at the hands of White Canary as detailed in Brightest Day. Black Canary's ties to the Green Arrow and the Birds of Prey suggest their inclusion in any potential film, but having to include Oracle in a movie isn't a problem so much as a perk.

WHY THE STUDIO SHOULD: She wears fishnets. Key comic-book movie demographic is a lock.

BONE

WHY I WANT IT: This is a bit of a cheat, as I emphatically do not want Bone to hit the big screen in some wonky, live-action/CGI rigmarole. Fone Bone is the cutest epic hero to ever grace the pages of a comic, and to remove Jeff Smith's artistic voice from the story would be a genuine crime. This story is classic, and should be animated as one. The hero's tale involves travel across a desert, a variety of creatures, both benevolent and less so, and the wooing of a pretty girl. Mostly, though, it's the story of a charming little bone creature with two dumb cousins and a love of Moby-Dick. Rumors have been swirling about an animated Bone for years, but I wish they'd just make the thing already.

WHY THE STUDIO SHOULD: Possible restaurant tie-ins; marketing opportunities exist for both corn dogs and quiche.

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