A Disciple of PvP

Lauren Admire | 8 Aug 2009 21:00
Op-Ed - RSS 2.0

Perhaps this was the cruel god of irony striking me down in my hubris. I had cursed the name of PvP so much that now, when I finally wanted to go mano y mano, everyone was engaged in some all-inclusive PvP strike. Typically, this is where I'd wipe my brow of anticipatory sweat, congratulate myself on avoiding a doomed-to-fail skirmish and abandon the computer to eat a sandwich. But I had came here to PvP, and dammit, PvP I would. With no one online, I pondered my next move.

Disciple offers a partial, though personally unsatisfactory, solution. When you can't find someone to battle in real-time, there are pages worth of offline players available to spar with. Offline players are controlled by an auto-attack system, and I can whet my bloodlust against their mindless motions ad nauseam. So basically, Disciple isn't so much an MMORPG as an ORPG, which really isn't much different from an offline RPG, as its various lands housed only the pre-set attacks of automatons masquerading as players.

Another level 1 finally logged in and beat me to the punch in issuing challenge to battle. I had two skills on my toolbar at this point, and I used them without reserve. Against all odds, I won the first battle and heads rolled. Literally. One of the ending moves showed the opponent's head lopped off as the body slumped onto its knees and fell neck-first into its own pool of blood. It was...glorious. I'd experienced but a few victories in WoW, but never did they include anything nearly as gruesome and awesome as this, what with their corpses falling rather haphazardly on the ground and then rapidly disappearing. This was right up there with the Blood Elf male warbling death wail as the Most Bad-Ass Death Throe Ever.

This level 1 and I went tête-à-tête for a few rounds, typing judicious barbs of "Bring it" and "It's already been brought-en (snap)" in the chat box. I managed to win enough battles so that my PvP rank actually increased, a feat I'd never thought I'd accomplish. Eventually, the level 1 went his or her own way, and I was left, again, to my own devices, or at least to those of the auto-attack system. All further attempts at logging in to battle others were met with a complete and total lack of anyone online. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I enjoyed the gameplay, but I just couldn't bring myself to level in a PvP game by sparring with offline players.

I'd like to say that I no longer suffer from the debilitating effects of pwndophobia but, frankly, I just wasn't able to PvP enough to overcome it. Perhaps my would-be opponents were all higher levels, perhaps they were on different servers, heck, maybe they heard I was coming and decided not to give me the time of day. Bottom line: I just wasn't able to PvP, and I wasn't given any instructions on how to seek out more foes, although a recent Facebook addition of the game may very well address these concerns. Regardless, looks like I'll have to settle for shock therapy and a straitjacket to overcome my fear.

Lauren Admire can't get enough of heads rolling across the screen.

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