Op-Ed

Op-Ed
Yahtzee Wrote a Book

Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw | 16 Jun 2010 16:00
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     "What was that?" I hissed.

     Meryl's mouth materialized next to my ear. "I think he said, 'new quest, help us capture undead, even bigger rewards.'"

     "You speak gnoll?"

     "No, but the gist was pretty obvious." She gestured to the adventurers, who had all turned from the gnolls to us like heavily-armed weathervanes. "What now? Offer even more rewards than that?"

     I sighed. "We'll be back and forth all bloody night. No, I think I'm just going to go with the flow." I folded my arms and bowed my head as a shiny new elven mace slammed across the back of my skull.

     It was the first time I'd been killed since my dalliance with the Deleter realm, and as my spirit was pushed out into the dead world I realized that I hadn't escaped from that bizarre place unscathed. Something had changed.

     I could still see the washed-out physical world around me. I saw my body, along with Meryl's and Thaddeus's, being slung over a gnoll's bulging shoulder. I could see my companions' souls being cast out to join me in the dead world.

     But everything else was different. My mind felt sluggish and dull. My astral form was slanted at a strange angle, and one of my arms was hanging uselessly.

     "J-m?" said Meryl's ghost, concerned. "W-a-'s -h- m-t-e-? Y-u-e f-i-k-r-n- i- a-d -u- ..."

     The dead world was flickering in and out like a broken light. It was like two worlds were trying to occupy the same space. One was the standard ghostly dead realm, and the other ...

     Physically it was the exact same place, but everything was formed from glowing lines against a black void, like thin brushstrokes on black velvet. The terrain beneath my feet was a network of green triangles, as were the walls and fittings of the Cronenburg buildings. My vacated body was a body-shaped yellow cage, while the gnolls and adventurers tormenting it were a vibrant red.

     The souls of Meryl and the priest were white. No, I realized - they were gray. They only looked white because of the millions of tiny Deleters that swarmed over their astral forms like ants.

     I looked down at my hands. They were all over me, too, scurrying all over my ghostly flesh with skinny white arms and legs. Like the other Deleters, they were white humanoids with blank white heads, wings and robes, but these were the size of cockroaches, and scrabbled insanely about with none of the emotionless deliberation of their larger fellows. They were all over my limbs, my torso, even my face, teasing my eyelids and climbing down my nose hole. I opened my mouth to scream, and felt hundreds more of them pouring out of my throat ...

XxSuperSimonxX signed in at 9:44AM
XxSuperSimonxX: whats cooking cool cats
XxSuperSimonxX: its cool that im working from home 2day right
sunderwonder: yes
sunderwonder: please work from home as often as you like
XxSuperSimonxX: sweet
XxSuperSimonxX: what are we on top of today
doublebill: populatoin numbers thing again
XxSuperSimonxX: I took care of that already
XxSuperSimonxX: do keep up son
sunderwonder: yes I remember you saying
sunderwonder: but there are still three resurrected npcs unaccounted for

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